


The Pain of Ezekiel Jones

by DarkHorseAsh



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Post-Episode: s02e08 And the Point of Salvation, Post-Prison, fbi agent ezekiel jones, mostly just hurt with a little comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2018-11-21 04:15:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11349660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkHorseAsh/pseuds/DarkHorseAsh
Summary: Ezekiel Jones is used to being used.  So when he finds out people are out to kill him because of a job ten years ago that he didn't take, he doesn't care what Flynn wants as long as it lets him not die.





	1. Chapter 1

Ezekiel Jones was used to being used.  For as long as he could remember, that was the only time anyone had ever even taken the time of day to notice him, much less interact with him.  By the time Flynn showed up at the museum and told him that people were trying to kill him, he wasn’t even surprised about things like that anymore.  He had gone with Flynn without care because,  _ hey, if this will keep me alive for a bit longer, then, I don’t really care who they are or what they make me do _ .  He realized in that moment that he had thought that for an awful long time, about an awful lot of things.  

 

Their first week doesn’t exactly go well.  He barely has time to get his brain from Dagger Stealing Mode to Finding the Crown of King Arthur Mode.  God, he can’t believe he is saying that.  What has turned into what passes as normal to him.  And for a little while, it’s almost like having people who care about him.  At least, that’s what he thinks this feeling in his heart is.  Then they find the henge, and they hear the helicopter, and everything is the same again.  

 

He has to force himself not to hunker down and cover his head when the copter flies over them, as it is he only just keeps the vibrating in his hands from being visible to the other four, who haven’t moved.  “I’ll hold them off.”  he hears the guardian,  _ eve, his brain supplies him with,  _ say.  He gets sent with Eve and even though he knows why he can’t help but sneer out, “what, because I’m expendable?”  He gets ready to turn, ignoring Flynn’s explanation, before he hears what Eve says and has to keep himself from freezing.  “And you’re a little expendable.”  She tugs him off towards the helicopter, to delay them, and he barely can keep himself moving because everything in him is so frozen.   _ This is just the same just the same just the same I don’t want to be here with these people, I don’t think.  Please.  _

 

They survive the helicopter and get ho-back to the library  _ that place is not home and I will not think of it as such. _  And for a few moments, he lets himself laugh.  And then Cassandra had betrayed them and Flynn is stabbed and the library is destroyed and he doesn’t think he can breathe any more by the time they make it to the annex.  Flynn is a mess and Judson calls him something he can’t remember,  _ shifty-looking,  _ his brain reminds him for some reason even though he does not in any way desire to hear it again, and Eve is shutting down and Jacob is someone Ezekiel doesn’t think he can trust and he just wants to be back trying to steal millions of dollars in paintings.  Or jewels.  Or anything else.  Instead he roams the annex until he finds a small, quiet room with a computer and a wall full of locks.  It’s the first time it felt like someone,  _ or something because the library is not a person not at all it just happens to know him very very well,  _ **cared** about him in years.  He doesn’t know how that makes him feel, but mostly, it just terrifies him.  People aren’t supposed to care.  

 

Then Eve calls a meeting and they save the world, sort of but not really, but the do save Flynn and they get Cassandra back.  Jacob clearly doesn’t trust her as far as he can throw her.  Ezekiel wonders how far that would be.  And then, they are supposed to leave and Jenkins hands them airline tickets and he can barely keep his face out of a scowl because he knew that this would happen.  

 

And then Flynn leaves and they don’t and none of them know what they are doing.  Ezekiel isn’t sure why he stayed, but it seemed like a better alternative than hiding away from the next group who wants him dead and some little part of his brain is selfish.   _ Maybe they will care. _  So he snarks off, as always.  “It’ll provide an opportunity to steal new things.”  And Jake shakes his head in disgust, but Ezekiel doesn’t care.   Eve is practically as new at this magic thing as they are.  She takes them training day one, two days after Flynn left, and she leaves them in a warehouse and tells them she is coming and that  _ in this, she is an enemy who wants to find them and hurt them.   _ He can’t escape, his head going back to his FBI days where they were pinned down in a building and they couldn’t get out and  _ Frank died in his arms.   _

 

He runs.  Maybe it isn’t the elegant thing to do, or the thing that makes him a good teammate, but he runs.  And hell, he never claimed to work well in a team.  Eve chews him out for it later, after they open the clippings book, when the others aren’t around, but she doesn’t see him walk silently back to the room with the computers and cry, silently, into his hands.  He’s perfected the art of crying silently.  

 

Ezekiel would be lying if he said that he despised the labyrinth with all of his heart.  Cassandra and he get lost in it until he helps guide her and  _ her hand is on his arm she trust him and he doesn’t know why but her fingers curled around his arm make him want to fall over he hasn’t had physical contact in so long he missed it so much _ .  He shakes those thoughts off into the back of his brain, trying to ignore them long enough to finish his mission.  He only just manages to hold it together long enough to get them all out.  Somehow, they do it, even if he isn’t sure how because  they have no idea what they are doing.  

 

And then it’s almost Christmas.  He rolls his eyes when Cassandra makes him help decorate but inside he is torn between cheering and abject terror.  He hadn’t had someone want his help for anything but stealing in years.  It was nice to see how happy it made Cassandra, too.  But he was scared because the last time he had had a Christmas, it hadn’t ended well.  Eve asks them why they like it and he snorts out something about valuables in paper.  Cassandra smiles at him (actually, really, truly smiles) and says, quietly, “I know there’s good in you.”  He freezes, before putting on a brave face and saying the most honest thing that he had said that whole time.  “Sometimes I wish I could know what it was like, to be a good guy.”  

 

Santa is real.  Ezekiel really has no idea how to react to this.  Jenkins looks...frazzled, by Dulaque, but Ezekiel doesn’t ask why.  He knows better than to push someone with that look on their face.  Eve compliments him, “good having a thief”, and even if it isn’t really all that much of a compliment he is still smiling far too widely for his own good.   _ You’re letting yourself be attached.   _ His brain reminds him.  He forces himself to ignore that voice, and turn his attention back to things more like that Santa is missing.  

 

Getting sent down the chimney is the most time he has been in physical contact with someone in literally all of eternity.  “You’ve been a little naughty.”  The old guy says, kindly, but it still feels like a punch in the heart.   _ I’m sorry.  I needed things like food.  And money.  And a roof.  And I donated most of the money to help people. _

 

Ezekiel puts a hat on his head and his brain changes him and he is not...not terribly annoyed by that.  He plays it off as just the hat but the fact of the matter is that the hat only increases his desire to do what he already does; help people.  And now he can do it without ruining the image he has been projecting for people.  Plus singing with the kids was fun, they seemed so happy.  Sure, occasionally he had to make snide comments so they wouldn’t think he was having  **fun.** He loved singing, even if that was NOT something he would ever admit.  It hurts, yea, that they don’t think he is good without the hat, but he ignores how much it stings.  Plus he makes the  _ best  _ hot chocolate and cookies in the world, in his opinion, and it’s fun, so that’s a good thing.  It distracts him from feeling useless while the others are working on a plan to get Santa to Alaska.  

 

So he sips coco and watches them work and tells himself after the holidays, he will leave and stop bothering them.  They go to the airport and the pilot seems so sad and he can’t keep himself from telling the pilot to leave and while that...might mostly be the hat talking, especially the poetry part, he isn’t exactly saddened by it.  Plus, he gets a hug.  Those are nice.  He needs more of them.  He tries and pretend that when Cassandra cuffs him on the neck it doesn’t send him back to a time when he was around five years old and it was a lot more than a cuff on the neck.  Although, not being able to stop saying Merry Christmas is starting to irritate him.  He  _ is  _ glad that Santa could fly the plane, because if they didn’t find a way, he was worried that Eve might kill him.  

 

The others do not seem to be fond of this being in a life and death situation thing, and he can’t really blame them, the first few times  _ are  _ pretty terrifying.  But he doesn’t think he knows how to be terrified anymore so a knife or sword can’t exactly bother him all that much.  

 

He might not be a genius like the rest of them, but he knows what Eve is doing when she has him give DuLaque the hat.  It works, a little, and then Jacob and her land the plane.  He doesn’t let them see how frozen he feels in the Alaskan air, because he is from Australia and they don’t get this kind of weather so he had never managed to get used to it no matter how long he spent in other places, where there was cold.  He wishes, for a moment, that he could be the vestel because  _ that would be a nice way to die, I think.  Saving the world.  Eve deserves to be alive and I don’t.   _ And Eve does it and she makes it and he can’t help but be relieved, and for that one moment, he doesn’t care that he cares.  He just is relieved that she made it because he doesn’t think he could live with himself if he lived and she did not.  He would, he knows it, has said it before and lived, but  _ at what cost, this time, at what cost.   _ Last time it cost him everything.

 

The surprise party is his idea, even if they take credit.  He can’t help but smile.  He hadn’t gone to a birthday party…well, ever, actually, not as far back as he can remember.  And maybe they still act as though he is good for nothing but silently he decides, just to himself, in a thought he promises to  **never** share,  _ I could get used to this...caring, thing. _

 

They have a short break, after that, which is nice.  He knows he annoys them but it’s nice to not work, for a while.  When they glare at him over the whole pizza-ordering thing, he wants to hide his head and quietly tell them he had never stayed in one place that wasn’t an alleyway long enough to have pizza delivered before.  And then Flynn comes in through the back door talking about dragons and he has no chance to do so,  _ he wouldn’t have done it anyway but now he can blame it on time not on being weak.   _ He goes off to study dragons with Jacob, ignoring the fact that he knows nothing about dragons.  Jacob grabs the books away from him and orders him not to bother anyone.  So when the doorbell rings of course he goes to get it, because getting it means that Jacob can’t see the pain in his eyes.  He really doesn’t mean to mess up so badly with the representative guy.  And even he knows being the arbiter is probably a very bad job for him.  Especially when he finds out that he is going to be stuck in the annex, with Jenkins (who hates him and doesn’t bother to hide it, he thinks) “you don’t think I can handle this.”  “Is there a polite way of saying absolutely not?” 

 

That stings, even though he doesn’t think he can either, so he snaps as he stalks off back towards the creepy dragon lawyer guy.  The list of grievances is absolutely absurdly long, and he can’t sit still like this he isn’t good at it.   _ “Adhd,”  _ the teacher had told his mother, with sad eyes, as he sat in the back of the room tossing a ball between his hands.   _ “I’m sorry _ .”  It doesn’t help that he is not having  _ any  _ idea about most of the grievances, and that he is slightly worried that jarvis is going to decide to kill him pretty soon.  And then, naturally, there is a conclave.  “You know it’s fitting that flynn should show up now when you people are proving that you shouldn’t even be here.”  He almost flinches, wants to, he’s heard those words before.   _ “Get out of here you brat you killed her you shouldn’t be here I never want to see you again. _ ”  The wind is cold in his hair and his bare feet are bloodied on stone.  He shakes the memories off, not sure  _ what  _ he responds to Jenkins by saying but knowing that it probably isn’t good when Jenkins snaps back, “You’re not a librarian!  You’re a thief!”  He has to refrain from crying, and barely does, by reminding himself that  _ the library sent him a letter when he was just a kid.  It wanted him then and it still did now.   _ And so back to the conclave he goes. 

 

He isn’t doing half bad, it’s pretty easy stuff, until Dulaque shows up.  Naturally that goes fairly badly for him.   _ And  _ he gets no pizza, because that madman stole it, which wasn’t mood helping.  And somehow this grievance-fixing thing had turned into a the library might be disbanded or demolished thing.  Naturally.  He had truly awful luck.  And of course, Jenkins walked out.  Because it’s not like he needed help or something.  And so he dealt with it, with Jenkins leaving, the only way he could think of, by following him and arguing with him.  It was obvious from that conversation that Jenkins knew and had been through a lot more than he was letting on.  So he walks away, but then Jenkins comes back in and basically rescues him because, yea, he had no idea what he was doing with this.  

 

They should have negotiation lessons, he decides, as creepy possessed Flynn stalks into the library and all but tosses him out.  Apparently this day COULD get worse, he hadn’t thought that it could.  But luckily, he can finally actually work.  “I can get it away from him.”  He says, and there is a promise in his voice as he does but they all shake their heads no. He’s surprised when Jenkins decides he wants his help.  He gets the apple with no effort,  _ he has done far harder things and gotten no recognition for it.   _ “He’s already the worst version of himself.”  That hurts, especially from Eve, but Jenkins almost compliments him and smiles in his direction so he thinks that hey, that’s a pretty fair trade.  

 

And so the world lives on and the library still exists and nothing is destroyed.  Their break after that case is shorter.  Cassandra is trying to read everything she possibly can about the supernatural world and Jake is writing a research paper on something about architecture he can’t begin to understand.  He locks himself in the room that the library had showed him on day one with every book that was about being a librarian and reads every spare minute of the day.  One night, he reads until he falls asleep in his chair.  It’s the first time in years that he hasn’t gone to sleep and had nightmares.  

 

They end up in a little town and he’s glad, he thinks, because he never was somewhere like this so no memories.  That’s nice.  They find the troll fast, and he’s confident it’s the first time he has let his fear show while around another librarian.  And then it turns out it is fairy tales and every time he doesn’t think this job can get weirder, it does.  He’s stopped trying to figure out what was the weirdest part of this job.  

 

The sheriff reminds him of his father.  So psychologically, he has two choices; cower in terror, or annoy the hell out of the man.  Unfortunately, annoying a local law enforcement officer isn’t the greatest idea in the whole wide world but hey, it’s not showing weakness.  And he follows a quarter and finds a sick-looking little girl laying in the bed and yea, sick kids are his weakness as a bad person.  All kids.  He doesn’t think kids deserve pain, after his own childhood.  And so maybe teaching a kid to lock pick was a bad idea but at least it made her, a dying kid, smile widely.  He rested his fingers against her back to help her along and he couldn’t stop his fingers from shaking because  _ physical contact! _ _ Yay!   _

 

He gets overruled on where to go but the others are being weird as hell so it isn’t exactly a challenge for him to slip away.  So, he gets into the room and listens to the man reading the story and he is terrified because  _ what is he supposed to do he can’t do anything they’re going to die and it will be his fault.   _ And he is terrified.  But he gets the book away from the man and to Jamie and she tells the story for him and she is ok and he can’t help but being incredibly relieved that she was going to be ok.   _ Kids don’t deserve to hurt.   _ Plus the Sheriff doesn’t arrest him.  That’s a plus.  Jail is somewhere he’d been before, for a little while, and it wasn’t somewhere he wanted to be again.  Sometimes, at night, he could still smell it.  

 

He doesn’t think this job can get any different, any worse or any better.  But, of course, it does.  

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another update! Go me. I hope all 41 of you who read the first chapter enjoy haha.

 

He considers leaving after almost every mission, telling himself  _ they would be better off without me I’m going to mess up and get them hurt or killed.  _ He doesn’t, out of selfishness because if he did he wouldn’t get to be around these people and he cares about them no matter how hard he may try to hide that fact.  So, he stays.

 

Eve gives them a day off after the fairy tale mission, which is nice.  He feels a little bad when he comes back in from his day of stealing things and finds them all watching him because he can read their eyes and see what they think about him and that hurts a lot.  But the clippings book flies, literally, and distracts them all quite effectively, especially Cassandra.  Ezekiel is pretty sure he has never seen her so happy.  It’s nice, to see someone else so excited over something so small.  

 

The stem fair is amazing.  He doesn’t know the finer points, but he graps some of it, because even if he is under qualified and younger than Jake and Cassandra, he isn’t an idiot.  The library doesn’t choose people who aren’t smart.  He doesn’t mean to reference prison in the conversation with Cassandra, but to his relief she doesn’t seem to take the comment in the sense that he had actually  _ been  _ to prison.  So he ignores her comments about which he was because the not-technically-going-to-school thing makes that a bit of a hard thing to answer.  

 

He’s lying about the trophies.  He wouldn’t steal himself trophies and either way he never had a wall to put them on so that would be rather difficult to have.  The week before the library had added a bed to his little office-like space, so he was no longer sleeping on the desk at night.  That was nice.  He knew Cassandra and Jake were renting small apartments nearby, as was Baird, but all of his money was either going into his  _ debt  _ or into things like food, so he never really left the annex.  It was lonely.  

 

He was surprised Jenkins had left the annex to go to the STEM fair.  But what really hurt was the fact that they both, him and Cassandra, acted like he was too stupid to know what a Newton’s Cradle was supposed to do.  He wasn’t dumb, no matter how much they thought so.  It stung, badly, but he managed to ignore it as he demonstrated.  There was seriously something weird going on at that point, even weird for them.  He  _ is  _ happy that Jenkins gives him the sensor scanner thingy, because he lets himself think that it means that Jenkins trusts him even if he knows that is preposterous because he is confident Jenkins trusts literally no one.  

 

He can’t believe the woman buys him calling it a Jones-O-Meter, but he decides that’s its name from now on.  It’s the best.  And he gets to use his skills to snag the girl’s phone, because the Jones-O-Meter was being all spinning around it and then he got to use MORE skills with technology.  Someone had turned a  _ spell  _ into an  _ app.   _ That was pretty genius, he had to admit.  Although it was also fairly wrong, in his opinion.  He also did not mean to mention hacking the NSA, but Eve actually looked a little tiny bit impressed as she looked at him, and she didn’t immediately turn him over, so he thought that was good.  

 

He heard the whole conversation between Cassandra and the girl, Amy.  The story kind of breaks his heart, especially the sadness in her eyes. He makes a mental note that he is going to find a way to make those memories suck less for her, and files it away in the front of his brain under Important Things to Remember to Do.  And then Eve goes to help Jenkins with something and leaves them to try and keep the school from being destroyed and they have no idea what to do.  He wants to punch Morgan, because he agrees with Cassandra when she says hurting kids is awful.  

 

He doesn’t, of course, even he knows she is a witch and that is a Bad Idea.  He feels stupid, when Jake and Cassandra are discussing the Faraday Cage that they’re going to be making.  They lose him so he hovers back.   _ I won’t be any help here.   _ He tells himself, silently, trying to ignore the pang in his chest.  He finds his way over to the Sea Otter booth, and has to refrain from saying how absurd it is while pocketing the phone. He snags quite a few of them before he retreats to his spot, making sure each had one before opening the app and lifting up his table leg, grimacing at the feel of the electricity through it.  It doesn’t hurt, per say, it just feels weird.  

 

They all live,  and he finally takes a breath for the first time that day.  He hates it when kids are in danger.  Afterwards he sees Cassandra looking sad so he wanders his way over, his eyes brighter than they have been in a while as he hands her the trophy, and he relaxes when he sees her smile.   _ They’re using you _ .  His brain reminds him angrily.   _ Stop getting attached.   _

 

There is no down time between the STEM mission and the next and the next and then they find the blood covered girl named Katie.  He doesn’t trust her, or people.  Mostly because he never trust people covered in blood.  He doesn’t speak, just watches Jake and Eve, and responds as sarcastically as he can.  The “lovely bird” back at the nightclub in Prague had been a parrot who had sat on his shoulder and eaten his crackers while he had sipped a beer and rebuffed everyone who tried to flirt with him.  The issue was the killer in the house. 

 

He didn’t like killers, ever since that day in that warehouse and the smell of Frank’s blood and the man’s soft whisper “I’m sorry.”  as Ezekiel had clung to his dying form.  Frank was the last person he had let himself get close to, and the reason he couldn’t stand the smell of blood.  Or killers.  Eve sneers out “this is me ignoring you.  Get used to it.”  the second part hurts worse than the bullet he had taken in the warehouse, painfully hitting him.   _ I’m sorry  _ he mouthes, as he turns his attention to the weird device in his hands.  

 

He thinks he is the only one not worried about Cassandra.  He wouldn’t be worried about her when she just had her normal brain symptoms, unless they were far worse than normal.  He desperately wants to volunteer to stay behind, but that would look weak and he can’t because they would want to know why and that would suck.  He’s stuck in the back seat with the girl who still smells of blood and he spends the whole drive staring out the window and praying that they get there soon because he wants to vomit from the smell..  

 

The house is creepy even from a distance.  He is glad he gets the job of the anchor scrolls, rather than the one that could end in finding bodies but when Eve tells Cassandra to stay he can’t help but volunteer instead, and even though he says it as cockily as he can, he desperately wants to stay.  Better a blood covered girl than a blood covered house.  Plus he can see the pain in her eyes when she gets told she has to stay, when she doubts her role here.  He knows that look too well.  

 

The house is impossibly creepy.  “Still ignoring you.”  Eve says, even though he had been the most honest he had ever been when he thought she had been talking to him when he had said “more than nervous, less than terror.”  That was pretty unhonest, it was more than terror by a lot, but he was closer.  The ignoring him part hurt.  The scrolls are easy, but the whole thing reminds him of an FBI sting.  The word “Clear,” a word he will  _ never  _ trust again, makes him want to pass out from absolute panic as the memories set in.  So he doesn’t stay all that close to them, far enough to not hear, as he calmly sets the anchors and tries not to panic when the house starts to shake.  His hand reaches for a gun that is no longer there when the knife begins to rise, and when it plants next to his head he wants nothing more than to break down in fear but of course, he doesn’t.  

 

The energy inside the house is scary as hell, especially when they  _ see  _ it after he goes outside.  He and Jake go back in.  Jake asks why he looks so weird, concern in his voice, but Ezekiel just shakes his head and tells him to focus on the anchors and that he was seeing things.  He doesn’t think Jake buys it but at least the other man doesn’t push him.  But then Jake sneers out something about him only being half a person and he knows it’s a joke but he has to refrain from yelling in response that he has more years of fighting training than anyone on the team who isn’t Eve.   

 

Of course, he doesn’t yell, just gives Cassandra a sad look when Eve tries to sideline her and sighs when Eve has him come upstairs with her and Jake.  He hangs behind them, frustrated when he has to go search a room by himself.  He almost hears Frank’s voice, playful, behind him.  “Cmon mate, it’s just a room.  We did worse.”  He has to bite his lip to keep from making a sound.  

 

The nursery could not be creepier, but at least there don’t seem to be killers.  Just a fucking ton of shoes.  Also creepy photos with the faces sliced through.  He doesn’t like this house.  He turns his back to the closet, doesn’t see anything.  He stumbles along behind Jake back down the stairs, and when the man glances at him worriedly, he knows this is going to be talked about some time in the future.  He hopes jake forgets.  The guy is a genius but he has a bad memory on things that aren’t art or architecture.  

 

He knows they use him, ignoring his input and preferring to use him to do what they want him to do instead.  That stings, badly.  And then he goes off to find the “Dark Heart” and there is a flash of light and he is sucked into the fucking dollhouse.  He wonders if they will miss him.  If they will even stay for him.  But he doubts it.  He doubts any of them will care about it.  

_ Burn it down _ , he wants to tell them.  _  Just burn it down and it can’t hurt anyone else.  I...I don’t deserve living, anyway.   Maybe the dreams won’t come if I am no longer breathing.  That would be nice.   _ He’s never done well locked in a room, so he asks for something to do because his brain won’t stop thinking won’t stop his adhd has him bouncing off the walls and the more he has nothing to do the worse the chaotic feeling in his brain gets.   _ They probably think you ran away _ .  It reminds him.   _ They don’t trust you, and you know it.   _

 

There’s a reason he doesn’t like his thoughts most of the time.  On the plus side, having something to do distracts it and even though Jacob sneers at him, he can’t force himself to be annoyed at himself because keeping himself  **sane** is generally positive.  Plus here doesn’t smell like blood.  That’s nice.  Plus samosas are good.  “What’s wrong with you!” Jacob snaps, and Ezekiel rambles something about bite sized food to avoid thinking about how that question really hurts.

 

He  _ is  _ proud to be the first one to realize that the house isn’t trying to kill them.  At least, he thinks that he is the first one.  He has no idea what Jake is talking about, but the guy sounds pretty excited.  He  _ is  _ so, so proud of himself for understanding what was going on with the house.  “In the beginning it was just happy families.”  He isn’t quite sure what a  _ happy  _ family is, but he is almost positive that this house had had happy families before...well, something must have happened for the current situation to be what it was.   **That** part, he thinks, he still isn’t sure on.  

 

He can’t help but be bored, even though he has the video game to play.  He doesn’t like being trapped in one place like this.  He would usually be pacing, or playing with something with his hands, or generally just doing anything but sitting in a chair except if he does that Jake will figure it out.  Jake is smart.  He can’t let Jake figure it out.  That would be bad.  

 

So he sits in the chair and promises himself he will stim tonight, however his body wants, as soon as he is alone.  It barely helps calm his brain, but it manages it, just a little bit.  Eve is there in the room with them, too.  He knows his arguments are absurd at this point as he faces off against Jake, knows he isn’t even really making any sense, but if his brain wants to argue and if that calms the franticness a little, he isn’t going to tell it not to.  “I’ve never asked for anything in my life.”  That wasn’t a lie; he had learned as a child, been told, really, that begging and asking was worth a beating.  He had learned fast.  The spirit of the house amazes him, he had never seen a spirit before, even if he kept his face straight.  Jake helps Eve to the car, and Ezekiel forces himself to walk straight because he won’t admit that his foot aches where he had tried to kick open the door a….few times.  At least he gets the passenger seat this time.  That’s nice.  

 

The song puts him back there.  He panics, silently, because he can smell the blood oh god he can smell it and then he can feel it on his hands and he is _ there.   _ He shakes his head several times, shaking off the worst of the memories, but still quivering slightly because it feels so real.  Forcing his eyes closed, he does the only thing he can think of:  he sleeps.  

 

He truly does believe in UFO’s.  With what they have seen, how could he not.  He knows a lot about UFO’s, and listening to Cassandra call him a UFO geek makes him smile slightly, because that is something she would say to a friend.  He wonders if he counts as a friend.  “I will break every bone in your body.”  Eve snaps, and he curls in slightly on himself, forcing his brain to remember  _ she  _ had said that, not his father.   _ This isn’t him he isn’t here he’s dead we know he is dead we went to the funeral he isn’t here he  _ **_isn’t here_ ** _.   _ He shakes off the panic enough to listen to what jake is saying about architecture.  

 

He was being sarcastic about hoping for crop circles, or about his hatred of hiking.  It makes his knee ache, sometimes.  The one he had had hit while running towards Frank.  He still hadn’t even managed to make it in time.  And then there was a pole and Victor Finch and Eve was GONE.  He doesn’t hide the fact, to himself, that he cries silently as he walks back to town.  Maybe she and he weren’t  _ that  _ close but his team were the only people alive who he cared about and it was his fault he had gotten someone else killed.   _ You should die.   _ His brain offers, and for once he isn’t sure that he disagrees.  “Or you ran, have no idea what happened, and you came up with this story to cover.”  “I can see how you’d think that but no.”  And then Jenkins says she is still on the planet and he can’t help the overwhelming feeling of relief that hits him in that moment.  

 

He wonders what is up with the archivist, why Jake seems so eager, until Cassandra explains it.  That amuses him, who would have thought tough Jake would be so head over heels for a girl whom he had only just met.  Plus Cassandra’s jealousy is amusing him, so he hides his smirk behind his hands.  Jake makes a comment about understanding what he is doing which...um...stings.  And he doesn’t mean to ruin their “optical illusion” thing but the part of his brain that is relieved she isn’t dead talks before the thief part and well...that goes badly for all of them.  So he stands looking guilty.  And he pretends that they don’t hate him.  He thinks they do, even though he tries to tell himself they don’t.  They let him use the weird glasses thing.  That means they trust him, right?  Maybe?

 

“Pretty sure my guess is actually way better than yours.”  he curls in on himself mentally.   _ FOCUS.  I want her not to hate me!   _ And then he sees Eve through the glasses.  He’s so, very glad, that she is ok.  When Cassandra says that Eve is acting like he can’t take care of himself he wants to scream, again.   _ I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MYSELF SINCE I WAS SEVEN YEARS OLD _ his brain screams, but he forces it down.  That won’t help anything.  And then he gets to town and they all look creepy through the lenses and they’re chasing him and it  _ hurts,  _ running, it hurts more than he will ever admit, but he just keeps moving forward because if they catch him they’re going to hurt him and he can’t have that he can’t.  

 

He really wants to run away, but that seems like a bad idea.  They would hate him if he did.  But body snatching...that is something that he doesn’t think he can even begin to find OK.  It’s so horribly wrong.  Even if they don’t deserve to be stuck, these people deserve their bodies.  “What’s with the body snatching?”  He questions, not at all satisfied with their answers or their response when he asks if the bodies they are in are OK with it.  “These people have gone too far!”  he has to refrain from punching them, so he laughs incredulously and turns away, not wanting to see them not wanting to make himself imagine what they are doing here.  He can’t believe that they are going to help these people, who in his opinion couldn’t deserve it less.  They’re  _ hurting  _ people, for no reason!  So for the first time on the job he actually says what he thinks.  

 

“I say no.  They’re taking over bodies instead of asking for help.  You just don’t do that.”  “they’re asking for help now.”  “Yeah, only cause they got CAUGHT.”  using people doesn’t sit right with him after all the people he saw being used in his FBI days, after how many people have used him in his life maybe they never took over his body, or those he saw, but they did everything short of it and it isn’t ok in his eyes not by any stretch of the imagination it isn’t ok.  “That’s if they’re telling the truth!”  He doesn’t trust them, at all, but he trusts his team and he needs to get Eve back he needs to not be the cause of someone else’s death so he forces himself to ignore the fact that it is wrong and to focus on that.  

 

He wonders how the others do it, sometimes.  How they care so much even in this job that they have where they could die every other minute of the day how do they all care about each other.  And then he reminds himself he cares, too.  That terrifies him because  _ if I care, that’s another way I can be broken and I know how that feels and I never ever want to feel that again please.   _ So he hides his caring under a layer of sarcasm and jabs and never allows it to show until he possibly kills Eve, and then it only shows in the pain in his eyes and the curl of his shoulders.  He doesn’t think the others have noticed.  

 

He’s the only one who can hear the noise and that somehow just reminds him how he is, by a fair bit, the youngest one in the group.  He thinks it might break him when he says, “I think she would be the first one to make that call.” because it should be him stuck there he should have hit the pole not her it was never her fault she deserves to live he doesn’t.  

 

The electricity on the gate hurts, but Jake’s arm around him and hand on his arm is the closest physical contact he had ever had it felt so good and Jake’s worried “Are you alright?”  is the first thing in years that makes him realize someone cared.  The first in five years; since Frank.  And then Jake is a lunatic and grabs onto the grounding wire woman and they walk  _ into  _ an electrical field and leave him behind.  “Just take care of it!”  Jake yells, and he doesn’t know what to do he doesn’t want to hurt these men.  Norman gets a cheap shot as he tries to negotiate, a blow to the side of his head, knocking him to the ground.  And then Eve is  _ in  _ him and she can see his memories and he doesn’t try to fight her he just tries to keep her out because he is panicking, gasping in terror in his brain because she  _ can’t  _ know.  And then Eve is real again and she’s out of his brain and staring at him in confusion and pain and he can’t help but panic because what if she saw.  And then Jacob gets to the kill switch and it ends.  Jake is holding the woman’s body and there’s no blood but the scene looks so much like the warehouse that he doesn’t think he can keep out of the memories.  

 

She corners him later about the one memory she had seen; a black haired little boy on the ground as his father struck him over and over again.  It was one that had been jarred loose by the blow to the face.  He tells her the man was an uncle; that he had hurt him that time and his father had beaten the man senseless.  She doesn’t believe him but she doesn’t push it and he is grateful for that much.  

 

And then, the loom of fate happens.  He can, for the record, remember the other timeline.  It’s an odd memory, wrapped around his others, but he  _ can  _ remember it.  They’re fighting mummies and he is working with the ancient death trap and he turns the gear how she says in order to try and not get them all killed.  He can’t help but admit that he finds tomb robbing fun, it’s an adventure!  Flynn is back, which scares him.  He doesn’t trust men, not even Jake for the first few months, but then he managed to not flinch when the man got close to him or moved too fast.  

 

He’s taken to keeping a clean handkerchief in his pocket for when Cassandra’s brain grape makes her nose bleed (or when he needs to dry his dark eyes with something, but that isn’t as common...or at least, so he pretends) and she smiles slightly when he does so and it makes him feel good.  He’s quite glad that he gets to use his hacking again with the phone, smiling happily as he does so.  And then Flynn reads the coordinates and  _ everything  _ goes wrong.  That’s the last thing he can remember.  Until a moment later, when Lamia lays dying and he drags himself shakily to her, pulling the dying woman close.  She struggles to speak, but he shakes his head, eyes gentle.  “Easy, easy, you’re ok, Lamia.  You don’t have to explain.  It’s ok.”  She is gripping his sleeve with dying strength, eyes half closed.  “You shouldn’t touch me.  I deserve to die alone.”  she coughs weakly, spitting blood out of her mouth.  He shakes his head.  “You never told them where I came from.  I owe you, a lot.”  she shakes her head, groaning as one hand grasps his.  “I am sorry.”  He nods, fading fast, Cassandra and Jake are already out.  “It’s alright, Lamb.  Say hi to Frog for me.”  She nods weakly into his shoulder, his hands are sticky with her blood.  “Hoped you forgot that stupid code name.” “I have a photographic memory I don’t forget.”  She is barely breathing when she chokes out, “of course,  _ Fratrem. _ ”  He smiles weakly.  “Soror et frater,  in perpetuum.”  She clasps her fingers weakly over hi, coughing out “ Soror et frater,  in perpetuum.”  He buries his face in her hair for a heartbeat, whispering, “Tell him I love him.” and in the moment she stops breathing he is gone.  

 

He remembers the alternate world so well it feels real.   He can’t help but wish Eve really was like a mother to him, before he realizes that, truly, she was.  He was near tears recounting the last day of her life, staring out the window at the bazillion ghosts.  It’s pretty terrifying even just in memory.  He wonders what happens to the world after this part of it ends.  It wasn’t real so...does it just cease to exist?  Or does it go on existing?  This seems like a pretty good question to him, and he makes a mental note of asking Jenkins or Flynn about it at some point in the near future.  He isn’t smart enough to know about things like that.  Or at least, they wouldn’t think he is.  And it’s not like timelines are his strong suit to begin with, they seem to be fairly confusing things.  

 

He thinks he has a memory of Flynn saying they would be gone if him and Eve went back but since they aren’t  _ his  _ memories he isn’t all that sure.  The three of them could...see it.  That final fight, Eve and Flynn knocked to the ground they were there but not there, not really.  Ezekiel drags in a shocked breath when he finds out that DuLaque was actually Lancelot.  What hope did the others have against a knight.  He sees Eve get stabbed and the scream rips through his chest until he isn’t sure he can still breathe even though he isn’t even real at this point more of a floating existence conscience thing.  He laughs softly at Flynn’s inability to fight even though it scares him when the man looks like he is about to die.  And then, Jenkins is there and while DuLaque being Lancelot might have been a surprise he is pretty sure Jenkins being Galahad is ten times as surprising.  

 

And the real Flynn is back but Eve is still dying and Ezekiel can only just hold back his sobs.  And then they are in the library and he is back in himself not just watching and he is helping carry Eve and he can smell the blood on her and he doesn’t want to hold another person in his heart and watch them die he is so...brokenly afraid.  And Eve lives and they are Ok and the library is back and they haven’t died.  He is amazed.  

 

He doesn’t want to admit it but when flynn and Eve graduate them it feels like being tossed out of just another home.  Like the FBI or his original family in Australia.  It hurts, to be thrown out on his own even if he knows it is a sign of trust he just doesn’t want to be alone again it hurts too much  _ please  _ he wants to say, but he doesn’t.  “I could use a break.  It’s still a bit judgy in here.” He doesn’t know if they think he is being sarcastic or not, but he isn’t.   He kind of wishes he was.  

 

He doesn’t blame Cassandra for not wanting to go home, he doubts jake really wants to, either.  He lasts less than a minute before he follows her, Jake hot on his tale.  “I got a book.”  “That’s a pity book.”  The word pity hurts, but...not as much as he thought it would have in the past because something in his heart know that it is more like...brotherly teasing.  That makes him smile, and panic.  The idea that these people are so close to his family,  he considers running.  Wants to.  BEcause if they died it would break him.   _ Maybe they’re worth it.   _ He thinks.  And isn’t that a terrifying thought.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty fond of this one, even if my little thing with Lamia was a bit out of nowhere. And if the Latin sucks...I don't actually know Latin so THAT would be the internet's fault. Please tell me if it's wrong lol. 
> 
> Translations: 
> 
> Fratrem :Brother  
> Soror et frater, in perpetuum : sister and brother forever.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Yay! I Feel so accomplished haha. Not sure if this one is all that good, but I like it. Bit of character development for poor Ezekiel. Also finally some hugs.

He buries Lamia next to Frank.  He doesn’t tell the others, and he knows they all, especially Eve, were wondering what had happened to her body but they wouldn’t understand.  Yes, she wasn’t the nicest when the others had known her but she had been his backup, his and Frank’s, for three long years.  She had been there the day Frank had gone down, second behind him as he had lunged for their friend, the one who had killed the man firing the shots a heartbeat too late as she had watched both her friends go down.  He wasn’t surprised that she had changed, for the worse.  With what they had seen it was a wonder to him that he had not done worse than become a thief again. 

 

He is the first one to leave.  He feels bad about it later, but one too many screaming matches between Jake and Cassandra leave him back  _ there,  _  in a little house with one room and no roof and him hiding under the table because his parents were screaming above him and he couldn’t breathe and it hurt so bad.  He ran, and  _ that  _ was how Jenkins was the first one to hear anything about his life at all.  They had been fighting, Cassandra and Jake, for months.  He was exhausted.  He hadn’t slept in two days by the day where he ran and he hadn’t eaten in like, a week.  So, of course, he ran back to the back door accessed place and ducked through.  

 

He stumbled back into the annex, gasping in terror as he dropped to his knees and struggled for breath.  Jenkins had dropped the tools he was working with when Ezekiel had stumbled in and now hurried to kneel next to him.  Ezekiel latched onto his sleeve, something he would be incredibly embarrassed about later,  but for now, he just clung to Jenkin’s arm as if the man would vanish if he let go.   _ I can’t breathe.   _ He stammered in terror, and even though he knew what was happening he knew what was going on he didn’t know what to do he couldn’t breathe.  “C-c-can’t breathe.”  He gasped, and Jenkin’s eyes softened.  “I know.  It’s ok, Ezekiel.  It’s alright.  You just need to breathe for me.  In and out.  Nice and easy.”  he shifts his hand to move Ezekiel’s fingers to rest against his chest, where he could feel his heartbeat.  “It’s ok.  You’re going to be just fine.  It’s just a panic attack; I somehow doubt your first.”  His eyes are gentle, causing the younger man to try and stammer out an explanation.  Jenkins isn’t the touchy-feely type but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know how to calm someone down from a panic attack.  He had seen this before, in the old days, with countless soldiers before battle.  Ezekiel was still gripping his arm but his grip was weakening.  He was crying, tears shaking his face as he clung to the man.  He was embarrassed, beyond embarrassed, but too hungry and tired to truly care.    Jenkins carefully moved his hand, helping the younger man up.  Ezekiel grimaced as his knee bent, and let out a grateful whimper when Jenkins allowed him to lean on him.  “How long has it been since you ate?”  “Too long.”  He sits at a table in the kitchen, they apparently had one of those, as Jenkins makes him food.

 

He doesn’t want to need help.  He should be able to fend for himself he  _ is  _ a teenager he isn’t a child but the idea of  **food** was too good to pass up.  He devours the eggs and toast, before limping back to his office.  He’s taken to calling it his, now.  He likes that sound, the fact that this room is  _ his  _ room and they can’t take it away.  That night he dreams of monsters far worse than the ones they hunt down.  

 

He finds a cup of coffee waiting for him on the kitchen table in the morning.  Jenkins doesn’t comment on it, so he doesn’t mention it, but he knows he must look incredibly grateful.  “Why were you limping?”  He doesn’t want to tell the truth but after the day before he is pretty sure he owes the older man that much.  “I got shot in the knee once.  Healed wrong.”  And then his clippings book is doing its buzzing and bouncing up and down thing and he is off to somewhere else.  He tries to put Cassandra and Jake out of his eyes, but at night he sees them die screaming that it is his fault.  He wakes up in a cold sweat every single night.  

 

He and Jenkins started having tea together every Tuesday, and even if they were mummies (don’t ask) or evil demons from hell who were bent on stealing all the toast from the world (REALLY don’t ask) they would find time to sit down and drink tea and usually eat the cookies that he has taken to making and leaving in the kitchen, once he has eaten his fill, and once he has brought Jenkins some.  It’s nice, he thinks, to sit and talk with someone once a week.  Sometimes he will ramble, telling the stories of some of his biggest heists while Jenkins looks on approvingly, but several times a story he almost smiles.  But most of the time he listens to Jenkins teach him about  _ this  _ world.  After the third lesson where he hadn’t been able to sit still and had stormed out in frustration,  Jenkins just rolled his eyes and told him to stand, if it bothered him so much.  He learned better when he was moving.  

 

He isn’t glad the book drew them together, not at all.  He has been avoiding them for a reason, after all.  He was smart enough to do his own damn cases and good enough to watch his own back.  If he had managed to get a mountain of injuries, mostly minor, on his own well maybe he just wasn’t careful enough.  It certainly wasn’t because he kept expecting Jake or Cassandra or even Frank some days to be behind him, not at all.  He hadn’t seen Flynn and Eve since he had left, which was...fine.  He didn’t miss them.  He didn’t sometimes wake up wondering if they were ok, having just watched them die in his dreams.  

 

He digitizes the clipping book because he doesn’t want to risk losing it.  He can only imagine what they would all call him then.  That would absolutely be unbearable, he thinks, as he gets the cuffs off him and onto the guards.  A pretty clever trick, in his opinion.  And then they are all  _ there.   _ He had seen them, and grabbed Flynn’s wallet as a way of getting their attention without having to figure out what to say after not seeing them in like half a year.  

 

He flinches away from Jake and Cassandra, subtly, trying to keep himself from panicking.    _ They never hurt you.  They didn’t know what the yelling did _ .  He reminds himself calmly.  “Or we could just each do our own job.”  he doesn’t think he is up for a group situation of  _ any  _ kind at this moment in time.  But he doesn’t say that, he just plays it off as cockiness.  And he can’t be any more relieved when Flynn lets them split up but at the same time he cries into his hands as he gives himself a moment before looking for the woman with the earrings.  He hopes that Flynn and Eve and Jake and Cassandra, especially the second two, didn’t see.  

 

He can’t sweet talk the earrings off of her, has no idea how because talking to people has never been his style and he sucks at fancy parties his brain is bouncing off the walls nervously and he wants to run and hide somewhere where he can actually exist.  He stims with the sleeves of his shirt as he walks among the guests.  He hates having to ask Jake for help, but he knows it’s the only way and hey, at least neither of them attack him when he asks Jake.  

 

Jake asks why they stopped working together and he can barely keep from yelling.  He knows why they couldn’t on their own they didn’t have Eve.  God, he misses working with them and that makes him feel so weak.  

 

“My mates and I are actually about to rob the museum.” at least that gets the poncy Italian woman to follow him.  He ignores Jake saying she is way out of his league because he doesn’t really care.  He’s never really been one who paid much attention to girls.  He also  _ really  _ doesn’t think that Cassandra is straight, but he doesn’t think, and has never thought, that questioning someone else about their sexuality is fair.  

 

He feels awful that he had failed, that he had managed to not get the earrings.   _ I’m a failure I don’t deserve to be a librarian I am awful I don’t deserve this I don’t deserve this job at all.   _ He has considered quitting about a million times, but he can’t.  So he ignores the voice telling him that he should and he keeps going.  He fidgets with an eraser, using it like a spinner, when they look at the weather satellites and try to figure out what to do.  He gets stuck reprogramming the back door, but at least it is something he is good at.  Although he is  _ not  _ happy he has to hand his phone over to Jenkins because that thing is his baby it has all his pictures of his mother all of his memories and sure they are backed up in a dozen places but he can’t help but almost panic as he gives it over.  But all of his jobs are hacking today and that is pretty fun.  He  _ does  _ panic when Jake acts like he might not live.  So he lets them do sappy goodbyes and focuses on breathing because now is not the time to panic he needs to save New York.   _ Wow, the things that I have said on this job don’t even sound weird anymore.   _ He doesn’t relax till he knows that they did it.

 

He can’t believe Eve isn’t mad that they didn’t listen to her and that they had split up, but he has never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth.  He does not at all understand that saying, for the record.  He goes back to his office and finds a new plaque on the door:  Ezekiel’s Office.  He’s glad it doesn’t say his last name.  He always hated that name.  That was why he never liked it when they, mostly Jake, called him by it.  He naps in his office before the meeting that Eve called, and wakes up screaming again, but with a little less terror.  

 

He really has no idea how Flynn ends up doing the presentation.  And why he is acting like they don’t even know who they are fighting against.  He does find learning about fictionals to be fascinating.  Contrary to popular belief, he loved learning.  He had had to teach himself, as he had never had a true education in a school but he had managed to learn a lot on his own.  He does think Flynn didn’t do too bad of a job on the presentation.  

 

He does feel bad that he doesn’t know what the hell he is doing with anything.  He struggles through the card catalogue,  even though he is pretty sure that it is  _ very  _ outdated and that it is not his fault that he has no idea how to do it.  Then the alarm sound and he forces himself to be calm.  He  _ is  _ surprised that he is the only one to have read the security manual.  

 

The others are even more panicked than he is.  Alarms he can deal with.  The idea that Jenkins is in trouble is...well, a bit harder.  The old guy was starting to grow on him.  He cared, Ezekiel could tell, even if he hid it well.  He really thinks they should read the security manuals one of these days.  He did, it was only like 300 pages.  

 

He can see the starvation in the girl’s eyes and the thinness of her shoulders.  She asks them for money for the book because she has none.  He doesn’t either, so he is glad when Cassandra finally pays the kid and gets the book.  He rewraps Jake’s hand, as he works to get the back door set up.  The burns are bad, but not too awful, and the physical contact as he fingers brush over Jake’s wrist he gasps, because he has had no physical contact in three months not since that time when he had clung to Jenkins like a child.  That still embarrassed him, as well.

 

He  _ does  _ agree about needing to work on the security system, and makes a note to fix that in the future.  He panics when he sees Jenkins in the ice, shaking in terror.  He is so relieved when Eve breaks the ice and frees him.  When Jenkins says the library is out of order, he is..confused.  But then Flynn drags him off and the room is all messed up.  He has no idea how he is supposed to keep the place from being blown sky high.  He did understand it but Flynn’s voice when he explained things amused him.  And the hand on his mouth was  _ not  _ helping, it was mostly just making him freak the fuck out.  And then he gets sent to do something potentially suicidal.  “You have never liked me.”  “Now is not the time for that!”  Realizing that he was right when he made that jab  _ hurts _ it hurts him more than he could possibly say he is worried he is going to break.  Only years of experience compartmentalizing heavy emotions allows him to keep a calm facade.  

 

He sighs when he ends up in a chokehold again. “My hate is my hate is reserved for those who abhor me meaning the man who fancies himself in the image of the divine and yet vilifies me as monster.”  He finds himself nodding silently at the thing’s words, he knows that feeling, although he had never choked anyone because of it.  And so, he hangs nervously in the man’s (possibly monster’s) grip.  He doesn’t admit it, but the physical contact of the hand feels nice.  Even if it is about to kill him.  

“What adoration could even a single being show to such a fearsome visage as mine?”  He has an idea, then, as the...thing drags him.  “A little plastic surgery, maybe?”  Professional sports was an actual idea, not him being sarcastic, which made him grin widely,  and make a note to bet on whatever team the guy ended up on.  He introduces the man to tinder and grindr because hey, not judging here, and it seems to make him pretty happy.  In his opinion, everyone deserves a little happiness.  

 

He gladly volunteers to stay behind, because portals scare him.  He  _ does  _ worry about Jake’s ability to anchor his thing, what with his damaged hand, but he knows the guy is tough so he assumes he will be just fine.  He makes a mental note to bring the guy the burn cream from the medical kit when they’re done saving the world, again.  Jenkins has been adding to the medical kit, even since he had started coming back injured from so many missions.  He was sure the man didn’t know he knew, but he did, and he appreciated it.  

 

He is relieved when what had happened was explained to the three of them.  He went and helped Jake care for his hand wounds, and pretended not to hear the older man when he asked about why he was so good at caring for wounds.  He tried to hide how he flashed back to a day in a small apartment in a small city he couldn’t remember the name of, Frank wrapping the burns on his chest and side after he had been seconds too late running from an explosion.  “You need to know how to do this.”  “I’m watching I’m watching.”  The feel of Jake’s skin helps him keep the memories at bay, for now.  It stings a little when Flynn leaves but mostly he is glad he has never trusted the man and while he knows that not trusting men is an issue, he isn’t well going to change easily.  

 

He is glad when the others decide to stay.  He didn’t want to be alone again, as selfish as that was.  That next mission, though...he really wished he had decided to stay home and, he doesn’t know, nurse his aching knee or something.  Claim he had the flu.  ANYTHING but be there.  

 

He has read every one of Jake’s articles, and while the guy is writing he and Cassandra rotate the job of bringing Jake coffee.  He has never approved of the whole fake name thing that Jake does, he thinks the guy should take credit for his own thing.  And he  _ really  _ thinks that they should come watch a movie with him one of these days, for team bonding.  “Movies are just books with better pictures and less of those words and stuff.”  That is entirely just sarcasm from him, because he loves reading but only when he finds the books to be good.  

 

He wishes Eve had gone with them.  This whole “alone with them” thing scares him a lot.  He isn’t wrong, he thinks, when he says “everyone lies; except me.”  but he does recognize the look in Jake’s eyes when he sees the logo on the side of the truck.  The older man looks lost in memories.  And he REALLY wants to punch Jake’s father when he sees how the man looks at his son.  The guy is literally breaking Jake, he can  _ see  _ it, but it’s like no one else can.  He wonders if he can because he has so much experience being broken.  

He is glad when they actually get down to business but when Jake gets his hand hit by his father, and flinches away hard, he has to refrain from tackling the guy.  He sees the fear in Jake’s eyes every moment the guy is anywhere near his father so getting them NOT TOGETHER seems like the best thing to do at the moment.  The guy he sits with in the back of the truck gives him a sympathetic look when he sees the quiver in his hands.  “Old man remind you of something?”  He nods, shifting slightly to lean against the guy slightly, glad for the physical presence.  “I think anywhere near that man is unsafe.” he hears as he descends into the hole, grimacing at the words so hard that he almost falls.  It’s a relief that he doesn’t because falling long distances is not something that he thinks is fun.  

 

He hands back, but he can hear the whole conversation between Jake and his father after the man who had been in the back of the truck was hurt.  When he and Jake are alone a bit later, he silently wraps the man into a hug for a long moment before releasing him and walking away without a word, leaving Jake to watch him quietly retreat.  He hears the man’s whispered “thank you.”  He endeavours to hug Jake more often after that, because something in the man’s eyes told him that he hadn’t had many hugs.  

 

They go back and get a lesson on shapeshifters.  AND he gets to eat his popcorn, which is great.  The popcorn is yummy.  And he hadn’t had to pay for it because he had found it in the kitchen.  He liked food he didn’t have to steal or pay for.  He had taken to eating more food out of the kitchen.  It meant he had a little money that he could put away.  And he could get a new jacket some time soon, because his was becoming incredibly worn out.

 

He is the one who leads Cassandra to the bar, where they find Jake.  He recognizes the look in the other man’s eyes too well, even if he doesn’t quite know  _ why  _ he can guess, the shapeshifter had done  **something** .  He was really not at all enjoying this at all, this monster, it scared him.  Lies...those were something he had so many of, this thing would be feeding off of him so much.  

 

He is glad the thing didn’t take the form of him when they find it.  He doesn’t like how he looks, underfed and scrawny as he is, and looking back at himself would be bloody annoying.  The underground area is also something that he is not terribly fond of because he generally doesn’t trust things where the roof is made of stone and could fall down on his head at any given moment.  Or things where doors creepily unlock and open with no warning.  That also isn’t very good.  

 

“Why do I hate this room?” “Cause it’s a cage.”  He realizes in less than a second that Jake is right, but not because it’s a cage.  Because it’s a  _ cell _ .  It’s a cell like a prison cell and the only reason he isn’t already pressed against the nearest solid object is because creepy Cassandra showed up, and because there are no bars.  Mostly the second.  

 

And then it is  _ him.   _ “I had all the lies I could consume.  So many from one man.”  He knew exactly who it meant, that it didn’t mean Jake or his father or anything like that it meant  _ him,  _ his woven web of lies spanning his entire existence and the idea that this... **thing** knew things no one alive knew, well, that was the scariest thing he had ever come across.  

 

And then they get locked in and he does panic.  Because it’s small and he can’t get out and it’s like a cell and he can’t breathe.  He sucks in gulps of air between nodding in response to comments that Jake made, realizing he should be paying attention more than he is but he has to get his mind out of that place and it doesn’t seem to want to budge anywhere.  

 

He drags himself back to listening by digging his fingers into his hand.  Cassandra starts talking about dual currents, And it’s working, the truths are working.  “The truth has to have emotional length.”  “You were in the FBI?”  He isn’t technically lying about the MI6 thing, but he only worked there for one mission, a joint thing with the FBI and MI6.  It was...irritating.  

 

He is not entirely enjoying this being stuck in a room having to tell the truth thing. He gets through about twenty minutes of it before he has nothing else that isn’t heavy to share so he goes for the lowest thing:  “I was married once.”  Cassandra stares incredulously at him, so he keeps his head down and his shoulders back as he struggles to find another.  “I buried Lamia.  In a little plot in Kansas, with a...friend of mine, who died around five years ago.”  He is shaking now, head pressed against his chest as he leans against the wall, quivering in fear as Cassandra takes over.  He doesn’t really listen to anything she says for the rest of the time.  

 

He hears the thud when Jake and his father fall into the hole, but he has to refrain from making a noise of concern.  At this point he has settled down on the stone ledge in the back of the room and Cassandra’s rambling is making him focus.  “I have an irrational fear of ravioli.”  What the fuck?”  He comments quietly, causing her to laugh slightly as she goes into her next one.  He’s relieved, though, when Jake comes into the room dragging the body of the creepy monster thing.  

 

He doesn’t say why he didn’t stay after Peru.  He wants to, but he doesn’t, because they don’t need anything else to bind the guy.  He hangs back listening to Jake talk to his father and he can’t help but think the older man is still afraid, still afraid because he  _ does  _ need his approval and if his father didn’t approve of him, he would end up miserable.  

 

Cassandra finds him in his office after the mission, sitting staring at a picture in a frame.  He was amazed as he looked around the office, not yet seeing her.  “How did you find this picture, library?”  He whispers softly, voice cracking softly as he spoke.  The library didn’t respond, but he nodded and settled the frame back on the desk before turning and noticing her.  “Oh, Cassandra.  Come in?”  She nods, entering and sitting down on his little bed.  “Do you sleep here?”  “Not often, just when I get caught up in stuff.”  She nods, glancing at the picture and drawing in a breath of shock.  “Lamia is in that photo.”  He nods, glancing at it.  In it he and Lamia and Frank have their arms wrapped around each other, standing on top of the Great Wall of China.  

 

“Yes.  I knew her...a long time ago.”  “Oh.”  He sighs, glancing at his hands.  “And to answer the question that brought you here; that’s Frank.  He and I got married in a little town in Africa six years ago, when we were nineteen.  He’s been dead for five.”  He doesn’t know what he expected, but it  _ wasn’t  _ for her to pull him into a hug.  “I’m so sorry.”  He nods into her neck, eyes half closed, as he relaxes into her grip.  “Me too.”  

 


	4. Chapter 4

He rolls his eyes in frustration when Jenkins gives him the lesson on the college because he isn’t the only one there so he has to sit still and pretend to be a decent student.  He had never gone to college, for...financial reasons.   _ Plus that you never went to school, the freak you are.   _ His brain mutters at him, causing him to draw in a sharp breath of fear.  Eve gives him the Jones-O-Meter, and he fidgets happily with it while they open the books.  “Blah blah blah super creepy stuff.”  He isn’t wrong there, although Jenkins making the noise of an exploding body  _ is  _ creepy as hell.  He isn’t at all excited about going to the college because those are generally full of very loud people and those people tend to be very annoying.  

 

He walks slowly around the college room, smiling slightly at the gargoyles who are on the wall.  They’re so cool looking. Gargoyles are cool, they’ve always been something that he had found fascinating.  He pilfers an invitation out of the desk, tucking it into one of his pockets before following Jacob out of the room and on his way down the drive.  He is working on the Jones-O-Meter, trying to remember how to turn it on.

 

He yelps softly Jake hits him in the shoulder from behind and he actually almost screams because  _ damn it why is it so hard for people to not hit you when you can’t see them! _  He realizes afterward it’d be easier for them not to if they knew he didn’t like it when they did.  And he was NOT looking forward to going to a frat party because he wasn’t a fan of drunkenness in general.  Or the smell of beer.  He could smell it, sometimes, in the nightmares, on his father’s breath as his big hands beat him until he screamed for help.  

 

He is happy because Cassandra seems so excited, and she is smiling wider than he has seen her since the STEM fair, so he has to smile himself a little.  Even though he does have to put an end to her plans to fake being pizza delivery people by pulling the invitation that he had snagged from the desk out of his pocket.  And he has  _ no  _ idea what the Lucy girl is talking about although he can see that Cassandra already has a thing for her within like, ten minutes of them knowing each other.  He can see why; they’re similar.  

 

He is standing incredulously behind the girl as she talks about her online magic forum, but she does seem to have good data and stuff and maybe she can be useful in some way.  He snags a beer from the guy because, well, even though he won’t end up drinking it and will fill it with water it will help him fit in and getting information is something that he prides himself on being very super good at.  He better be; he had a lot of FBI training on subtle interrogation techniques.  

 

He groans, stretching out his shoulders as he pauses in his snooping for a moment and lets his brain overwhelm his memories.   _ Well, subtle is never the word for you.   _ He smiles slightly at the memory of those words, which Frank had said to him.  He wasn’t subtle at all, which was why he had almost failed said training half a dozen times because he was not good at getting information from people.  Frank had spent hours out of their classes when they were 18 working with him on it until he could finally really do it.  He shakes his head to dislodge those memories and refocuses on looking around the building nervously, hoping that there weren’t that many people drinking a lot of beer because his day would not be benefited by getting into a fight with someone drunk.  

He followed them to the basement, playing with the ring that he had stolen.  He was planning to give it back, of course, but he wanted something to fidget with while he was trying to gain information, and he had to have  _ some  _ way of keeping his skills fresh.  He wasn’t stealing as much anymore, because his slight salary kept him in food and that meant that he didn’t really need to steal as much.  

 

He definitely screamed when he turned around and saw the gargoyle.  It was just...there!  And it hadn’t been there before, so he was naturally concerned.  He was protective over the gargoyle, because it was a sweet, sad looking little thing and it reminded him of himself, in a way.  He wasn’t sure why, but he was attached to the thing already.  And so he really hoped that he would be able to keep it safe.  At least, until he figured out how to get it back where it belonged where it  _ really  _ would be safer than following him around.   _ Everyone around you dies!   _ His brain reminded him quietly, causing him to bite his lip and shake off the thoughts.   _ No.  You are not right.   _

 

He really was researching, in his opinion, because he was really hoping that this time he would be the one to find something to save the day and help people.  Maybe then they wouldn’t look at him like a kid.  But once again it’s Jake and Jenkins who figure it out, so he hunches behind Jake and listens to Jenkins talk about the tentacle thing that has been known to drive men mad.   _ Hey, at least if I get driven mad, my brain won’t be the same as it is now maybe it won’t cause more people to get hurt.  _

 

He was pretty impressed with Cassandra for saying no to Eve.  That wasn’t easy to do, not when she was in NATO Commando mode.  He was on her side for sure, although his brain was still a little in overdrive from the memories so he wasn’t even sure what his response had been, although judging by the glare that Jake gave him, it wasn’t exactly a great thing.

 

He sighs when he sees them look at him, and then he is silently terrified.   _ He isn’t an egotistical person not really what if this thing needs actual ego not the act he puts on oh god what if he gets them all killed.   _ Ezekiel grimaces away slightly, head down against his chest for a long moment as he reminds himself, silently, that he  **has** to do this he has no other choice he absolutely has to do this because they need to keep these college students alive.  So he shakes his head and reminds himself  _ I wanted to save people.   _

 

He is clinging to the car as the...thing keeps popping up, over and over and over and over and over, and he is seriously running out of things to say because frankly the only thing he thinks he is the best at is severely messing up at literally everything ever but he can’t well say that with Jake sitting next to him.  He could, but it wouldn’t end well.

 

He doesn’t think they are going fast enough because the thing grabs his arm and he cries out, Jake shifting and locking an arm around his chest and neck to keep him from flying into the rift.  They shake it off, and he is  _ really  _ out of things to say but luckily Jake manages to goad him into finding more random things to act like he thinks he is the best at.   _ Cmon Cassandra I am REALLY running out of things to say here!   _

 

He is so frustrated that at one point he just snaps out, “I’m the best at messing up and causing people to die.”  Jake spins to look at him but he doesn’t care because he doesn’t deserve to live but Cassandra does.  He manages to get back to light-hearted “I’m likely a better singer than you.”  That is probably true, because singing is something that has always been a real passion of his.  And then stumpy throws himself on it and he starts yelping as he is dragged into the rift and Ezekiel can’t help himself from letting out an agonized, “STUMPY!”  as Jake moves to drive them away again.  

 

He can’t hide his shallow breaths when he finds Stumpy’s broken pieces on the ground, gathering the head of the stone creature close and keeping it tight against his chest with a soft noise in the back of his throat as Jake watches him in sad confusion.  He can feel the man’s eyes on his back, and he wants to explain that  _ he just watched another friend die for him  _ but he is left wondering how exactly it is that this little stone animal became a  _ friend  _ in such a short length of time. 

He leaves the pieces there, knowing that someone will clean them up at some point and unable, he thinks, to face that sad little face again.  Cassandra comes to his office again that day and tells him, quietly, about what had happened when she was in the other dimension.  He tells her about the last time he had been on a missing person assignment, six years before in Russia.  She laughs when he tells her about the look on Frank’s face when they had realized the person had just been knocked out by a blow to the head and wasn’t being tortured.  It had been an easy mission.  

 

He thinks he considers her a friend, and that thought causes him to not leave his room for two days until Eve threatens to drag him out by his ear and that doesn’t sound terribly fun. Their next mission was fun, he got to disarm security systems which is a real specialty of his.  It’s hard, which he likes, because it’s a puzzle and puzzles need  _ all  _ of his focus and that caused his brain to calm itself down.  He doesn’t look at Jake’s face while he said that he had hacked the email of the person who owned the place they are breaking into because he knows the guy doesn’t approve but hey, that is what he does.  

 

Flynn shows up, so he turns his attention to not being near the man who he still REALLY DOES NOT TRUST and then the flute starts sounding and that’s the last thing he can remember before he crumpled to the ground and lost everything.  

 

He woke up to Jake’s weight on his shoulder, heavy and firm and even though he knows he should move he can’t help but not mind the physical contact before carefully shaking himself off and nudging the other man awake with his elbow, searching in terror for the eye.   _ Oh god I lost it I lost it she’s going to hate me they’re all going to hate me.   _ He hunches slightly behind her, rubbing his fingers together with a short gasp of fear before running for the door along with the others.  “What happened!”  The library looks incredibly damaged and he wants, badly, to freak out because  _ this place is my home what am I going to do if it gets destroyed I will have nothing.  Also nowhere.  I can’t lost this place.   _ He hunches around the amulet with Eve, Jake, and Cassandra, listening to Flynn talk about where he is.  

 

He  _ really  _ has no idea about what this Chinese code thingy is, but Jake has that look that he often has when he is really focused on something and confident about it so he just hangs back and lets the guy work.  He doesn’t like it when they get to the bunker thing and he sees his picture on the walls.  That was incredibly irritating to him because he had seen this before only it wasn’t his face and that time…

 

He shoves his memories back into the back of his brain with a soft whimper of fear as he goes back to working.  He doesn’t know what is going on here, but it clearly isn’t a very good thing so he is incredibly focused on figuring out what  _ is  _ going on and how he can go about fixing it.  With the help of Eve and Jake and Cassandra.  Maybe.  He also is wildly unhappy when Moriarty shows up because the guy is not the best guy in the whole wide world.  Plus he is surrounded by adult men and those still kind of scare him.  He’s been working on that because it’s a stupidly irrational fear but he can’t seem to get over it, especially with someone who is  **known**  to be bad, like this guy.  

 

They leave Eve behind and he doesn’t know what to do.  What can he do?  Once again he had managed to lose one of the few people in the world who he trusted and this time...what if this time he couldn’t get her back?  What if they really lost her this time?  “The library can’t be dying buildings aren’t alive!”  He knows it isn’t true, the library is **definitely** alive, but he just wishes that it was true.  

 

He doesn’t know what he can do about the library dying, because obviously he has no way to save a BUILDING.  Jarvis sends them to finish setting up the ghost lights and he goes to hide in his office,  because he just...the idea of losing this place is heartbreaking.  He quietly tucks one of the smaller photos into his pocket because what if this room vanishes he doesn’t have this photo and he loves this photo.  It’s the one he had showed Cassandra, him and Lamia and Frank on the Great Wall of China.  So, he went back to help them, and to  _ hope  _ that they could find a way to save the library.  

 

He is not ok with the fact that the idea of losing another home was starting to set in.  He and Cassandra had snuck off into a hallway for a few moments to talk.  “What if we lose this?”  “I don’t know, Zeke.  I don’t know.”  “Me neither.  I’m…” Here, he has to shake his head several times to let himself breathe for a moment.  “I’m scared.”  The stress in her face softens slightly, and she wraps herself around him gently.  They had been hugging more recently, as two people who had never really had many hugs.  He relaxes slightly into her arms as he tightens his grip around her shoulders.  And then, after three or four moments, back to work. 

He knows in a moment what Jenkin’s plan is.  He can see it in the older man’s eyes, and he has to refrain from crying out because  _ no  _ his is not a good thing at all this is not a good plan at all.  Jenkins is probably the person he trusts more than anyone else in the world and he just  **knows** it, knows that the man is going to try and sacrifice himself for this library because that was just who Jenkins was.  He was pretty not ok with that idea.  

 

“All of you it’s time for you to go.”  “Actually I might consider it.”  He won’t, the only reason he ever could would be the vague fact that he desperately wanted to not see the older man die.  He doesn’t want to see it.  He doesn’t think he can see it, not if he wants to keep the tiny bit of sanity that he has managed to not loose through his almost twenty-six years of living.  He won’t do it, won’t go, and then the lights go off and then everything is back on and they aren’t dead and he is amazed.  

 

He is far more amazed when he meets the spirit of the library.  He wishes, quietly, that he had time to say “thank you” to Ray before the man turned back into just a building but he knows there is no time so he just nods.  And realizes that maybe in the future, he will know the library is actually listening.   _ Say thank you next time the library gives you something  _ he notes down in the front of his brain before turning his attention to watching Jenkins.  

 

The man watches him right back, an unusual softness in his eyes.  It’s not Tuesday, but they meet in the kitchen at ten that night and drink tea.  Neither talk, not for several long minutes until Ezekiel blurts out, “I don’t want you to die.”  Jenkins, who almost always just looks...bored, actually looks at him with a much gentler expression.  “ And I do not wish to die, Ezekiel.”  Ezekiel nods, wiping away a few tears when Jenkins wasn’t looking before going to grab a cookie out of the tupperware of them that is in the fridge.  “But you almost sacrificed yourself.”  “For you all, not because I wanted to die.” He nods, moving slowly and surprising himself before latching onto Jenkins in a tight hug.  The older man gave a sharp intake of breath, looking down at the younger man, before carefully wrapping his arms around him.  “Easy, son.  You do remember that I am  _ not  _ dead, right?”  Ezekiel chuckles softly as he takes a step back.  “Yea.  Thank you.  For that.  The not being dead thing.”  

 

They end up in a town where a friend of Eve’s is running for mayor a few days later.  He doesn’t mind the small town, he  _ likes  _ small towns, but the general idea of people vanishing freaks him out especially when the ceiling opens and there is a  **body** and it falls through and lands on the bed.  He hates bodies.  The smell of them.  He doubts he will ever forget it.  

 

He is actually intrigued as he listens to Jenkins talk about this thing they are battling.  It’s apparently a devil or demon of some kind who feeds on souls.  That’s a little bit creepy, especially when Jenkins says that the thing will come dressed as everything you ever wished for. He pushes for an example, rolling his eyes when Jenkin’s example was, “Katy Perry wearing the Crown Jewels holding a wad of cash with an unnatural attraction to young aussie boys.”  He has to keep himself from responding that that could not be  **further** from what it would be for him, and to keep his mind from reminding him of exactly what it would be.   _ Stop it, we never had a father we sure don’t need one now.   _

 

Jenkins is starting to know him quite well, as he could already tell that he had taken the phone before he even admitted to it.  Even if it got some disapproving looks, he was proud that he had something that would be able to help them find out what had happened.  He and Cassandra get put on working on the phone, which he thinks will be fine until he does air quotes around the word “Friend” in reference to Eve’s “friend” and she smacks his hand down.  Several times.  

 

His body is shaking as he works on the very delicate stuff he is trying to do, so he  _ really wishes  _ she hadn’t hit him.   _ Don’t be stupid she isn’t him she won’t beat you you weak little bastard   _ his brain mocks him mercilessly, causing his fingers to slip and him to electrocute himself (almost) several times.  And then it turns out they have to deal with a magic spell and he is not quite sure he knows how to do that.  

 

Of course, Cassandra knows.  She’s smart like that, knows everything, smart in a way he can not even hope of ever being.  But at least he can do the tech part, once she has dismantled the spell, so he isn’t a  _ total  _ failure.  He hopes.  The tech part was easy, once Cassandra had done her part.  

 

He made a frightened noise at the fact that the next contract as going to come due now because reading through the phone and seeing the other contracts on the board, seeing how many people had died, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to be in that town at  _ all.   _ He smirks when Jenkins says he is the least qualified person to say what happened after you died.

 

“Stealing is my job, mate.”  It isn’t, not to him, not anymore, but he decides against saying that and instead just curls his shoulders in and quietly takes it as he gets to work on the maps.  He knows what he is doing with this, with trying to figure out where the contract is.   _ And  _ he used Magic to locate the building and he is pretty proud.  ALthough now Jake is looking weirdly over his shoulder.  “You could steal anything you want with that.”  “Sure.  Easy.”  

 

He doesn’t think that Jake is listening to him talk about primary and secondary exit plans, but since he is mostly saying it so he can figure them out he couldn’t really care any less.  “Why don’t you? You don’t use this stuff to steal.”  “Like I said, it’s easy.  Ezekiel Jones doesn’t do easy he does impossible.”  

 

He hadn’t stolen Jake’s wallet till the guy had made the jab about him  _ becoming  _ a good guy, and he tosses the money back at him as they jog back towards Jenkins and the others with their newly-obtained knowledge as to which building they were going to be having to search.  The plan is his idea; Jenkins and Cassandra in the front, Jake as chauffeur, him and Eve not in through the front.  Jenkin’s face when the others are running around getting ready and he tells him he has to pretend to be Cassandra’s date is priceless.  “Sorry, Jenkins!”  He calls over his shoulder as he goes to get ready.  The older man watches him with a slight smile, a fond look in his dark eyes.

 

He doesn’t like Eve’s friend.  He  _ does  _ sneak around as a waiter for a few minutes, and he sneaks out his phone to get a  **priceless** picture of Cassandra and Jenkins, before signaling her and going over to the paintings on the walls.  There looked so different to him, he was surprised that Jake could tell that they were done by the same person but if it was about art and Jake thought something about it, he wasn’t well going to think the older man was wrong about it.  

 

Jenkins looks...nervous.  From his spot.  And Ezekiel kind of thinks they should go over there and make sure that he is ok but he really does not think that this is a good idea because the odds are Jenkins will give him an angry face and then yell at him later about not breaking from plans and he has gotten that lecture too many times to want to hear it again from yet another person.  

 

His luck does not seem to be doing very well at the moment.  He is talking about the sconces that aren’t, and then Jake is gone and he ucks through the secret door too and then they get Cassandra in as well and they are in a wine cellar of some sort.  And then they get the contract down the mail slot and their part is done for the moment.

 

“I thought we’d lost you for good that time.”  Ezekiel makes a mental note to get Jenkins to have more trust in them.  And he really has no idea how he is supposed to figure out where the guy is but Jake seems to know something about gas mains and he  _ had  _ worked on oil rigs or something so it wouldn’t be surprising to Ezekiel if he knew what he was doing. 

 

He hopes that maybe the gas will kill him.  _ Dying a hero.  That sounds nice.   _  The gas is making his brain fuzzy, causing him to not be able to push away the memories entirely.  “Frank.” he whimpers softly, shifting to see the creepy guy who had just appeared.   _ I wouldn’t mind dying.   _ “Frank...I want to see you again.”  He whispers quietly, fingers digging into his own hand.  “These fumes will kill you all very soon.”   _ Good.  I want to die.   _ He was gasping, his brain shaking in confusion and fear as he sank down against a nearby wall.  

 

_ I don’t want to die.   _ The thought hits him like a lightning bolt, leaving him breathing weakly.  Well, even more weakly than he was a few moments earlier.   _ Jenkins, help us, please.  Help me.   _ He shakes his head weakly at Jake, because the older man looks most likely to do it and they  **can not do it.** Jake falls, and he knows he is close behind.  His fingers claw at the metal, leaving him breathing shortly.   _ I’m going to see you again, Frank.  I’m sorry.  I know you wanted me to survive.   _

 

And then Jenkins is there, above him.  He’s only just conscious, barely, enough so that he can see the older man crouching over him.   _ What if he isn’t real?   _ He wonders softly.   But he can see the look in the older man’s eyes, a look he  _ definitely  _ recognizes, and he can tell that he is real.  He offers up a shaking hand, gripping Jenkin’s wrist in one hand.  “You’re real?”  He nods, eyes worried, as he pulls the young thief up to lean against the wall.  “Of course I am, son.  You three are incredibly lucky, you know.”   _ No, I’m not.  I just wanted to die!. _

 

He does not want to drink whatever the hell is in that cup, as he struggles weakly around the bed and pulls the blanket weakly over his lap.  He struggles to force down the cup of tea-like vileness.  “One doesn’t live this long without learning how to repair broken bodies.”  He makes a mental note in the front of his brain to tell the older man that he was getting pretty good at that, struggling through the last of the cup.  

 

He feels Jenkins move behind him, tucking the blanket around his still aching body gently, and he relaxes under it.  The others are already asleep by the time the older man comes back, and Eve isn’t there, so he shifts slightly to look up at Jenkins.  The knight sighs.  “You ought to be asleep.”  “Don’t want to wake them up by my screaming, Jenkins.”  He had once quietly, in the dimly lit hours of morning, told Jenkins at least a little bit about how he almost always woke up screaming.  

 

He stumbled his way to his office, gripping the older man’s arm tightly to keep himself balanced.  He curled up in a ball on his bed, groaning in exhaustion, as Jenkins surveyed the space around them.  “Quite a nice little office you’ve got here.  That is Frank, in the photos?”  Despite his pain, he nods.  “Yea.  I like it.  And that's him.  You'd have liked him, Jenkins.  Your kind of guy.”  He slowly uncurls, closing his eyes, surprised when he feels Jenkins take the blanket from the end of his bed and tuck him in.  He opens one eye to study the other man.  “You know, I’ve never had anyone tuck me in before.”  He mutters, feeling sleep biting at his conscience, and closing his eyes to let it take him.  “Thank you.”

 

London is a super neat place.  He was a fan of it, in general, because he liked how the city was designed.  It was old, beautiful, and absolutely stunning.  And while it was busy it wasn’t like, New York levels of busy.  At least not where he went when he was there, the few times he had been there.  

 

He had discovered annoying Jenkins was a fun hobby, and this picture of him doing a skateboard move off of the Great Sphinx of Giza was a neat picture.  Although he needed to stop stealing Jake’s flannels.    They were warm, and big on him, which he liked, and since he still was barely making enough to pay for his debt and a meal and a half a day, it wasn’t like he had enough money to buy his own nice warm toasty shirts.  

 

He gets put in helping Cassandra comb through data.  He isn’t great at it, because there is a  _ lot  _ of data and not a lot of ability for him to move.  He sighed, stretching out his back and shoulders as he listened to them talk about how it was the club or something inside the club that would be causing this.  “Yes finally a proper case.”

 

He hates clubbing.  Hates it with everything in his being, although listening to Jenkins talk about it  _ is  _ pretty hilarious.  They all get sent to find clothes to wear and he ducks into a hallway to wait for Jenkins to walk by so he can ask for help.  “I have no money for new clothes today, Jenkins.”  “Aren’t you a millionaire thief?”  He shakes his head, eyes locked on his lap, as Jenkins sighs and nudges him.  “Come on, I think we have a closet around here  **somewhere.** ”  They find it, and he manages to find stuff to wear that he doesn’t totally hate.  He adds it to the list of reasons he owes Jenkins like, a lot. 

 

He snorts with laughter when Jake and Cassandra both fall over, walking a few steps ahead of them in order to  _ not  _ look like he was with those two crazy people.  He really doesn’t want to have to go in.  He has been in these places.  They all smell like alcohol and, to him, fear.  “We gotta get in there.”   _ I don’t want to.   _ He does, though, sneaks past Jake when he is discussing poetry with the guard.  He kind of wants to join in, he likes poetry, and doesn’t like bars.   _ No, I have a job to do, damn it!   _

 

He makes a note to talk to Jake about poetry another time, and he ducks in front of the camera because he doesn’t trust it and he has decided physical pain would be something he would endure so they didn’t have to.  He sips his alcohol, which he doesn’t really mind as long as it isn’t beer.  He doesn’t drink much, but he occasionally enjoys some especially when it’s on Jenkin’s credit card and not his.  

 

He heads off to find Jake and figure out where the next victim is, and finds him STILL debating poetry.  He wonders why the door guy isn’t like, an english teacher or something, but thinks asking would be rude as he tugs Jake in the other direction.  Jake finds the restaurant in like, three seconds, since he’d seen it before, and they set off at a run. 

 

It’s a quiet restaurant, the one that they had been in before.  He’s terrified when he sees the girl collapse, wishing he could figure out how exactly he could help her.  “Call an ambulance!”  He knows  _ that  _ won’t get there in time so he goes into figuring out what drug the girl had in her system.  He’s lying, entirely, about how he knows.  “Seen enough idiots do this to themselves.”  Except most of them weren’t idiots, they were soldiers.  Agents.  Too damaged from years of horror to find what they did to avoid it wrong. 

 

He sometimes wonders how he didn’t turn into one of them,  sometimes.  And then the shock sends Jake thrown backwards, but he is OK and the girl has a pulse again and he  _ saved someone.   _ For a moment, he is back in a dingy apartment kneeling over a man, fingers pressed against his neck as he hears frank shouting behind him and he  _ knows  _ there is no way help will get there in time.

 

He shakes off the memories.  They hurt too much for the moment and he doesn’t have time to slow down long enough to really remember what they were from.  He and Jake hurried into the Annex, unable to find Jenkins until he called them.  Jake looked pissed that he was the one unable to get in, but apparently, there were bigger issues.  He wasn’t positive he knew what image transference was, but it seemed like an issue for sure.  

 

They had apparently lost Cassandra, which was...um...not great.  And then he and Jake got tasked with record-finding which was generally a Cassandra type job, not a him and Jake type job.  They struggle their way through trying to find records but it’s like the thing didn’t exist.  They’re coming up entirely blank, except Jenkins.  He seems to have figured something out, with an old name of the street.  He  _ had  _ read The Picture of Dorian Gray, and was pretty amused that the guy had apparently been real AND more than a friend to Oscar Wilde.  

 

He was excited that he would get to break into an art gallery with Jake.  He totally didn’t like the guy or anything, not at all, but Jake was amusing to break into things with because he had a tendency to get a disapproving look every other minute which was pretty cute.  Especially when he explained how he hacked the company that made the scanners and imputed his retinal scan.  He was proud of that one. 

 

_ I have got to stop finding my friend cute _ .  He makes a mental note to work on that, after this mission.  Jake is studying each picture like it can tell him every secret in the world and to him it is likely that it can.   He likes the way Jake looks when he is studying art, the way he tilts his head and the light reflects his eyes.   _ Noooope, already breaking my new rule!   _ He shakes off the memories and nudges his brain back into what it is supposed to be doing which is helping find a painting.  

 

The picture was  _ creepy  _ but they destroyed it and so it should all be good.  But apparently that isn’t how this is going to work.  Cassandra is impossibly drunk at this point, so he walks as far away from her as he can get because he isn’t a big fan of drunkenness.  He has to admit, the 21st century example of the portrait is pretty good but when Cassandra’s hand gets sliced open, he has to refrain from tackling the man and beating him into a pulp.  

 

He carefully wraps her hand with the bandana that had been around his neck, relieved that he had had it because the wound was a nasty one.  Another time where FBI training came in handy, he decided.  Cassandra was clearly in pain, her fingers vibrating slightly as he wraps the hand.  “I’m sorry, I know it hurts.”  He whispers softly, his eyes gentle. 

 

He isn’t sure this will work, swapping Eve in for Cassandra.  He hurries to replace them, but with  **what.** He is pretty sure he can do this but he is scared he can’t do it in time.  What if he can’t?  She will die.  He wonders, repeatedly, how it is that Eve keeps almost dying and makes a mental note to ask Jenkins if that is a usual thing for guardians.  

 

Cassandra slumps onto his shoulder, her damaged hand around his arm, and he smiles slightly.  She’s become something like a sister to him, which is...well, scary.  He forces himself to figure out how he feels about that  **later** because at the moment he is a little bit busy trying to figure out how to keep Eve alive.  

He was hoping that this would work, making the picture one of Eve made up of pictures of Dorian.  Cassandra seemed to think it would but she was also asleep on him so he didn’t well trust her judgement on things at the moment.  The physical contact felt nice, her head and hand resting against him as he worked.  It was warm and comforting, and despite the fact that Eve might die if he got this wrong, it felt...safe.

 

Cassandra does not seem to enjoy being hungover.  He limps into the annex after Jake with the last of the stuff, feeling bad when he poked at her ear.  “Was it his left?  He drops his left.”  Eve looked at him in a bit of surprise because he wasn’t supposed to know anything about fighting at all. 

 

“It’s the librarians who die.”  “Maybe that’s why we were chosen.” “Cassandra...brain grape.” “Stone’s absence of family or any real mates at all.”  “And my...anonymity,  I have no ties to anyone or anything in the real world. We’re all completely expendable.”  

 

Jenkins has come back in now, and is watching the boy with a peculiar look on his face.  Ezekiel suggests tacos, and pilfers thirty bucks from Eve to pay for them because hey, they  _ did  _ save her life that day.  Cassandra and Jake follow him, and for a moment he almost relaxes there with them, something that surprises even him.  He wasn’t used to feeling comfortable around people.  Any people.

 

He brings back some tacos for Jenkins and Eve, and sits on the counter while Jenkins eats his.  “You have no ties to anyone?”  The older man asks, by way of conversation starter.  Ezekiel nods, head down.  “I didn’t used to.  Now I...I don’t know.  Cassandra is like...I dunno.”  “Your sister.”  Jenkins studies the boy intently.  “That’s what she is like to you.”  He nods, sighing.  “And I’d like to think Jake and Eve don’t just put up with me anymore, that they’re my friends.  But what about you?”  Jenkins raises an eyebrow in surprise that they young man worried that he still just  _ put up  _ with him.  “I do not spend time teaching people who I am simply, how did you put it, ‘putting up with,’ young man.”  Ezekiel gives a half-hearted grin as he jumps off the counter and limps for the door, turning to speak just before ducking out into the hallway  “I know, you care, for some strange reason.  You’re practically more my father than the bastard who’s house I lived in for seven years was.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an absurdly long chapter, sorry about that. So, I need some opinions, before the next chapter (Which is Point of Salvation!!!) 
> 
> A: Should Ezekiel and Jacob end up together? Or like family? Or hating each other? 
> 
> B: Who should Ezekiel go to after Point of Salvation? Or should he not go to anyone and someone just find out? Or should he be miserable alone for a chapter (im probably not doing the last one, lol) (Keep in mind that in my version, he remembers)
> 
> C: Should I keep including random moments of Ezekiel and Jenkins because I think Jenkins being like a father figure to Ezekiel is adorable but I dunno what you guys think.
> 
> Please leave me your opinions in the comments! Thank you! And thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for not very graphic death, suicide (only like, mentioned) and lots of miserable Ezekiel.

It was a Tuesday; it was supposed to be an easy mission and then he would get home and make tea and sit and chat with Jenkins.  He realizes a moment after that thought that he seriously sounds so weak when he thinks that, but he doesn’t really mind.  So what if he likes his weekly tea and cookies with Jenkins?  It was nice, in this insane life of theirs to have this one thing that was  _ always  _ there.  And Jenkins had amazing taste in tea, so that was nice.  Ever since he had made the mistake of telling the older man that he was more his father than his  **biological** father,  the older man had been...reserved towards him in conversation, something that was providing a lot of fuel to his nightmares.  Many of them now involved Jenkins standing over him mocking him, or walking away from him.

 

He was trying his best to focus on what this mission was about, but he honestly wasn’t all that sure.  Jenkins being off recently meant that his lessons hadn’t been too useful, because they were mostly him trying to not annoy the older man because he was  _ really, truly, incredibly scared that the man was going to get tired of him and toss him out like every other person had _ .  Plus him not recognizing the gem is seriously annoying him because knowing every single gem is something he is quite proud of.  

 

He meant what DARPA was, not what Atlantis was, but he didn’t have the heart to protest when Jake seemed so intent on being angry at him.  He’s attempting to look serious, even if standing still unable to move around means that he is only half listneing to her at most.  Most of his brain is focused on about a million other things, such as _ how am I paying for my next meal  _ or  _ what will happen if I miss a payment to my father’s….associates.   _

 

They go through the door and the base is destroyed and he doesn’t understand what is going on because this doesn’t seem like what should have happened.  And then the...thing spins around at him and Eve shoves him out of the way and apparently it can’t be shot, because the thing is on him.   _ Rage person.  Huh.  That works.   _ He turns his attention to thanking Jacob, quietly, for saving him, before going to look at the map on the wall to memorize it and figure out where they are.  

 

It seems easy.  Find the gem thing, remove it, everything is normal again.  Except Jake is poking him with a crowbar every few seconds.  On the plus side he manages to help the guy out when he spots the taser tile thing and tells them all to avoid it.  That makes him feel pretty proud, helping his people.   _ When did they become my people?   _ He wonders as he works on the lock.  It’s an easy one, and this is what he does.

Or maybe it isn’t, because then they are surrounded by rage people, he is totally calling them that, and Stone goes down and then Eve does and then Cassandra and then he is falling through the door again and the don’t remember.  

 

_ What the fuck is going on?   _ “It’s a time loop!  We’re trapped in a time loop!  Which means I didn’t get you all killed.”  They all look in surprise at him but all he can feel is pure relief because of the fact that  _ they aren’t dead he didn’t hurt them it isn’t his fault.   _ They don’t believe him, about it being a time loop, not at first at least, until Cassandra says that technically it could have been that.  

 

He wonders why he is the only one to remember, too.  He also wishes he didn’t, because he thinks the blood on them as they went down that first time is now burned into his retinas.   _ It can’t get much worse than that.   _ Oh how wrong he was.

 

The second time Jake doesn’t bring the crowbar and Eve goes down and he can’t make himself look away and then they are through the door again.   _ Ok...one of us dies, it resets.  Got it.   _ He gets on explaining it faster that time, and this time he  **definitely** remembers the crowbar.  He doesn’t want to see their deaths again.  “We’ve been through this time loop a couple of times now right?”  “Yes.”  “And you’re the only one who ever remembers any of this?” “Yes.”   He almost cries when he sees the mocking look on their faces.   _ You don’t believe me?  Fine.  Not like anyone ever does.   _ He really wants to punch them all, but he doesn’t, because seeing them bleeding again isn’t something he wants.  “How do you beat it?”  “I have no idea.”  

 

He hates himself for the next plan, because he knows it will end in them dying repeatedly unless he is incredibly lucky which he...usually isn’t.  But at least it will in the end work.  And maybe he can just have his back to them while... **it** happens.  Or throw himself to the monsters and let himself die first.  He wonders if that still resets it since he is the only one to remember.  He wonders if he would want it to, or if he would be happier no longer alive.

 

And then  **none** of the four work and he has to refrain from crying because he just watched them die half a dozen times.  He watches Jake get electrocuted because he was so angry at him for all the times he insulted him, his ears still ringing with “some master thief.”  He fears, in that moment, maybe he is as emotionless as they all think he is.  

 

And then  **Cassandra** manages to solve the lock and he couldn’t and that might just break him because  _ this is the only thing he is good at and he can’t even do this why should they bother to keep him around _ .  He wonders that, silently, while Cassandra works on the lock with ease.  And then she doe sit and the door is open.  “Some master thief.”  He may or may not have to wipe away tears as they go in and grab the gem thing Cassandra says will end the time loop.  

 

He doesn’t think he is surprised when it doesn’t.  Then the monsters are on them and he is crying as he watches them bleed out.  Cassandra dies first.  “No! No no no!  This was supposed to end.”  He doesn’t care that he sounds crazy hell maybe he is crazy he doesn’t think he can do this again.   “What are you talking about?  “We’re trapped in a time loop?”  

 

“We’re still stuck!”  He is exhausted, groaning in weary pain each time.  “It resets whenever one of us dies.  Mostly you.”  Stretching out his back and shoulders he keeps pacing, relieved that at least this time,  he was able to move while explaining things to them.  Huh.   _ Him  _ explaining to the far more qualified  _ them.   _ Who would have guessed?  

Jake says he can get the leak unleaked, so they can go through the door and get to the main gate.  That seems like a decent plan to him and he has learned not to doubt Jake when he gets that look in his eyes.  Jake says he needs both hands on the wrenches and the pipe is hot and he doesn’t know what to do.  

 

Cassandra is behind him panicking at the sound of the rage people closing in and so he does the only thing he can think of.  His fingers close around the pip and he drags it, screaming in agony until he releases it as Jake grabs his shoulder and pulls him outside.  He wants to tell Eve he can wrap his own hand, but the concern in her eyes as she does it causes him to not.  He isn’t used to people being worried about him.  He’s surprised when Jake calls him brave but he can’t help but smile.  And they run for the gate and they are seconds too late and the monsters are on them.  He is only thankful that his back is turned.  

 

He’s lost track of how many times he had grabbed the pipe but it still hurts just as much that time as it had the first.  And the second.  And the third.  His fingers are in agony by the time he mutters, “I don’t know.  Sixty, give or take.”  “Every time?”  He nods, turning away so as not to see the pity in her eyes when he gives an exhausted, pain-filled nod.  “Every time.” 

 

He doesn’t even manage to turn away so he doesn’t have to watch that time, and so he stumbles through the door and sinks onto the suitcase looking thing completely defeated.  For one of the few times in his life, he has no hope left.  “You ok?”  “No, not especially.”  They advance and he has to refrain from sobbing.  “Don’t.  Don’t go.  Please.  I can’t watch you die anymore.”  And she ignores him, walking on and leaving him to slam things with his crowbar in pure anger.  

 

And then the boxes aren’t boxes, are a medical kit and a grenade and he knows what is going on for the first time in so many tries.   “It’s a videogame!”  They still look at him like he is insane, but for the first time in forever he feels like he is not insane, like he actually understands what is going on here.  And yea, maybe he isn’t sane when he shoots Jake in the knee, but he gives him the health pack it’s not like he let the guy suffer.  

 

_ Later he would seriously wish that he had no memories of it.  Especially of that.   _ Jake advances with a crowbar and he fully expects it to hit him but then Jake just smiles as wide as can be and happily follows him towards the rage people.  Luckily, to him, another person believes him now and apparently another person, any other person, means this is more likely to be true. That hurts him.  He ignores it, though, as he has grown used to doing.  

 

“Why are you the only one that remembers it?”  “I was the first in that made me the player.”  He groans dramatically, but he really isn’t being overdramatic when he complains about it.  He really does hate escort missions with a burning passion in his heart.  But he finally has managed to make himself have an idea about how to  _ not  _ watch them die over and over.  Even if he isn’t fond of the idea.

 

He lies to them, he isn’t proud of it, as he locks them in, but they are  _ safe.   _ He doesn’t have to watch them die again.  And again.  It hurts too much, he thinks.  “I can’t watch you die anymore!  THis way you sit there, nice and safe, while I go learn what’s past the gate.  That way only I die.”   _ Because if any of us have to die it should be me I’ve earned the pain you all haven’t.   _ He can barely keep back the tears until he is far enough away that they can’t see him when he les himself sob into his hands before loading up his pack.  

 

Plus side of this: medical kit for his hand.  He pulls Jake from his “safe room” and gets him to show him how to do the engineering, focusing far more than he usually would.  Jake shows him what to do and he does it, a lot, to get past that.  He’s pretty proud.

 

He pulls Cassandra out to get her to teach him physics, how to rewire the wires and get past the control panel.  That takes more tries than the pipes, but he does eventually figure it out.  Apparently, in his homeschooling himself, he had forgotten to study physics.  

 

He pulls Eve out for the battle.  He knows how to fight of course he does he  _ was  _ in the FBI and all but having two bodies to fight all these enemies could only help.  He has refrained from mentioning to them that  _ he  _ feels it.  Every time.  That pain goes away but the memories of it are there they are there so much he is in agony and that?   **Really** not something he is enjoying by the eighth time his bad knee gets slammed into something he is still limping.

 

“Seriously?”  “I know, right.”  He listens to her describe how he should fight in this room and even though he already knew most of it, except the part about the bat, he listens with apt focus.  His brain has quieted, even though part of it is still doing who knows what.  He hopes with him and Eve they will be able to win.

 

They don’t win.  Over and over they don’t win.  He tries different things. Taking more than one to the fight, he only tries that once.  He brings Jake and Cassandra and Eve by themselves over and over, although only Cassandra a few times.  He sees their faces when they realize that he has done this over and over and shakes away their pity.  

 

He nods towards the battle.  “That might kill you.  Don’t let it.  Not before I die at least.”  He says something different to all of them, in that split moment between the stairs and when they are moving towards the rage people.  A goodbye.  Even if he knows it won’t be. 

 

To Cassandra, he says. “You’re the best human being in the world,”  or “I never thought that I would have a sister.”  To Jake, he says, “You’re the smartest person I know,” or, “You would die for your team,” or, a few times, when he is particularly desperate, “I like you.  Have for a while,” before diving into the fray before Jake can even respond.  Eve is the hardest for him but in the end he always says the same thing.  “You’re like a mother to me.  Thank you.”  He never waits for a reaction on that time, either.

 

“How many times.”  “I’ve stopped counting.”  It’s about four hundred and forty three, since the start, but only around two fifty on this one battle.  He listens to her story over and over because he likes how she looks at him, when she is saying it, even if every time he can barely hold back the tears because he gets it, what she is meaning when she says it.  “I like the way you look at me when you tell it.”  That’s the first time he was honest and the first time he doesn’t say it to her, before he runs into the battle.

 

He shoots himself in the head once, twice, three times, ten times, fifteen times, before he gives up on that and goes back to fighting a fight he knows he can’t ever win.  The pain is just numbness now.  He doesn’t really care, at this point, about how they all think he is crazy every time.  Maybe he is crazy.  He certainly doesn’t think he wants to live.  

 

Jake gives him the idea and he runs off and leaves them angry with him for the millionth time.  But that time he goes up, to the roof, somewhere he hadn’t gone at  _ all  _ before.   _ This might work this might work this might work!   _ The world around him looks odd, like he isn’t truly in the game but in the circuitry of the computer.  He jumps down, before he realizes his mistake.   _ Crap.  Think I Crashed the game.   _

 

He is really tired of listening to those opening lines of theirs, so at this point he gives up and just yells “If you want to live, follow me.”  And then there is nothing in the crates and  _ they don’t believe me they don’t believe me I’m never going to not have to watch them die.   _

 

He gets it, why they don’t believe him, of course they don’t.  But he needs them to he needs them to so he can barely keep himself from crying.  “You guys think I’m...me.  You think I’m me.”  “It’s a glitch in the game and I caused it trying to save you I know that sounds crazy and I know that you all think of me as your irresponsible little brother but right now, we are in danger.”  He is tearing up as he paces, his hands shaking, and he can barely hold off an impending anxiety attack so that he can keep talking he has to make them believe him. 

 

“I don’t know how to make you believe me so I need you to trust me.”  “Jones.”  “I’m not your friend but you’re all my friends you’ve been my friends it’s impossible to explain.”  He doesn’t mean that how it sounds.  He means it as in he thinks of them as his friends.  But he doesn’t think, well he knows they don’t, think of  _ him  _ as  _ their  _ friend.  

 

He whispers out the stories they had told them because he is positive if he talks any louder he will start crying.  He knows they can see the heartbreak on his face but he doesn’t care at this point because all he has left in his mind in term of hope is that maybe he can get them out of here he can do it they can go on living they deserve it.  

 

“I have seen you all die, so many times.  When it didn’t matter. “I can’t, I can’t let it happen now when it actually does.  So please, so please, just this once, let me be the big brother.”  And then they believe him and he can barely keep himself from sobbing his heart out.  He can hear them coming but then he scoots his way up the pipe and they are all in the room.  He can’t believe they made it.  And then the floor falls.  

 

He grabbed three grenades that time, not four, and he really doesn’t think he cares.   _ I don’t want to make it out.  They should.  I can’t remember any more.    _ He wanted it to end like this of course he did.  He didn’t want to remember anymore.  They trust him to get them across, somehow, even if he is amazed by that fact.  He never thought anyone would trust him at all. 

 

Eve makes it across first and he is a tiny bit surprised because he didn’t actually think it was going to work until that moment when it did.  Cassandra went next, and his throw was just as good that time as she landed next to Eve and  _ they are so close they are so close.   _ He almost freaks when Jake stumbles, but he gets the throw right and the girls pull Jake up and then they turn to him and he remembers.   _ They don’t know I don’t want to make it.   _ “Not gunna be a blast for me, guys.  Only had three grenades left.”

 

They want him to live.  He isn’t sure he believes them because they have no reason to he sure has no desire to keep living.  “Good game, mates.”  It doesn’t hurt, the falling.  And then everything is...gone.  It’s just gone until Cassandra puts the gem thing he still doesn’t know the name of back in and he is laying on the table.

 

_ No no no no I didn’t want to live.   _ He can’t say that, of course,  __ so he pretends he has no idea what is going on because if they knew he remembered then they would treat him differently.  And he doesn’t want that.  Doesn’t want their pity because he doesn’t think he could take that not with the memories swimming around in his brain.  

 

Cassandra says he is an unsaved game so he is content to nod along in agreement, even if he does smile slightly when Eve calls him a librarian,  _ meaning  _ it for the first time that he can remember.   He tests their memories, but he doesn’t let them know that he remembers.  That isn’t something he will ever do.  

 

He sits down for tea with Jenkins but he knows the other man can see straight through him.  “Son, you are clearly not alright.”  “I am not your son!  I told you, I don’t remember the damn loop!”  Jenkins moves to speak but he takes off, shaking, and having absolutely no idea where he is going.

 

He avoids them all like the plague for four days.  He hasn’t slept more than twenty minutes without waking up screaming, which is...stressful, and he doesn’t think he has eaten because the sight of meat just makes him remember them ripped open and generally sends him puking into the nearest toilet.  He doesn’t know how they buy that he doesn’t remember. 

 

Eve figures it out first, some how.  “Ezekiel come on you can’t keep compartmentalizing what you remember!”  “I am not compartmentalizing anything I don’t remember your damn story!”  He knows in a heartbeat that he has made a mistake because oh god, she is too smart not to catch that and catch it she does as she raises an eyebrow in his direction.  “What story?”  

 

All the fight is gone as he slumps into a nearby chair.  “I don’t want to talk about it, Eve.”  She nods, studying him with her dark eyes for several long moments.  “Ok then.  We won’t talk about it.  You talk, and I listen.”  He doesn’t want to but he is pretty sure that she is going to make him.  They move to a room with couches he had discovered two days ago during one of his attempts to nap without going back to his office as that was likely where they would look, and he sits across from her as he quietly recounts it as she sits and listens.

 

He only recounts the last stage, though, the falling.  The terror.  The looks on their faces when they realized there wasn’t a way for him to make it safely.  “You all care about me.  I know that now.”  It isn’t a question.  He hopes she doesn’t realize how much he actually remembers because that would really drive him insane.  She doesn’t seem to, as he walks away, and she calls after him, “Ezekiel?  Thank you.”  He doesn’t stop, but he does smile widely.  

 

It’s a week after the day when they had had that mission when he finds Jenkins sitting in the sitting room.  “You didn’t show up for our tea.”  “I didn’t think you would want me there.”  The older man’s eyes soften slightly as he beckons Ezekiel closer, the younger man sitting next to him and sipping on his tea.  He knows he looks distracted but he forces the fear of this conversation down because he is so  _ desperate  _ to have the conversation at all.

 

“I...I remember it, Jenkins.  Every damn moment of it.  You know how many times they died because I messed up how many times they got HURT because of something I did wrong.”  He reaches up to rub his eyes, fingers shaking but he pushes on.  “I shot myself a dozen times at first because I wanted it to get them out and then because I didn’t fucking care anymore it’s not like anyone would miss me if I were dead and then I didn’t have to see them die.  Jake and Eve and even Cassie, they’d throw themselves in front of me so they got hurt and I didn’t but I’d rather  _ die  _ than watch them die so many times it’s all I can see.”  He’s sobbing now, curling in on himself.  “They died seven hundred times and it’s my fault.”  

 

He feels Jenkins slip the teacup from his fingers, he had been strangling it, before the surprising feeling of the older man wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close hit him.  He wanted to fight back, to run, because he couldn’t he would get Jenkins or someone else hurt he couldn’t become attached.  

 

He doesn’t fight, instead he just buries his head in Jenkin’s shoulder, arms around the other man as he sobs.  Jenkins carefully wraps his arms around him in return, and he can feel his fingers running along his spine.  “Easy, son.  You didn’t kill them.  They’re like, three rooms over, alive and well.  You saved them, son.  You saved them.”  If anything, he clings tighter, terrified that the older man is going to vanish and is going to leave him alone again as he had in so many dreams.  “You’re not a dream this time?”  He whispers softly, and if he could see Jenkin’s face he would see the pain flash along the man’s face.  

“Not a dream, Son.  I promise.  Not a dream.”  He nods into the man’s neck, although his tears don’t slow.  “It wasn’t your fault.  You found a way to get them out.”  His breath catches at that, leaving him shaking slightly in the older man’s grip.  “I didn’t kill them?”  Jenkins shakes his head firmly, his eyes gentle.  “No.  You didn’t.  That wasn’t your fault.  You’re going to be just fine, son.  I promise.”  And Ezekiel found himself believing him.

 

He sits curled on the couch, shivering slightly.  Jenkins had ducked out a moment before, returning with a thick blanket, which he carefully spread over him.  He relaxed slightly.  “You know, you’re still the only person to have ever tucked me in.”  The man laughed softly at him, even if it was a sad laugh.  “That isn’t ok, son.  That no one ever did.”  Ezekiel shrugs slightly, shifting slowly so he is leaning against him.  “I know.  But I didn’t want him to, and I never knew her.  He was a mean bastard.”  Jenkins smiled, slightly.  “You don’t call him your father?”  “He didn’t earn that.  You did, though.  You did.”  Jenkins drew in a breath of surprise, as he looked at the younger man.  

 

“How?  I am not the nicest man in the world, son.”  Ezekiel laughed weakly, hesitating as he shifts so he is laying before using Jenkin’s lap as a head rest.  The man doesn’t push him away.  “Cause you care.  About me.  As something more than a hired thief.  You really care.  Don’t you?”  Jenkins smiled slightly, shifting to run his fingers through the youngster’s hair.  “Yes, I do.”  Ezekiel nods, closing his eyes and leaning into the hand with a soft sigh as he slips into sleep.  And Jenkins just retucks the blanket around him and leans back, content to spend as long as the younger man slept watching over him.  When Ezekiel went to his office the next day after his first full night sleep in a week, the plaque on the door said Ezekiel Jenkins.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys are going to love this or hate this, but leave me some comments either way! This one was the hardest so far to write for some reason. I hope you like the ending of it. That was impossibly hard to decide on.


	6. Chapter 6

He liked being an FBI agent.  It was...well, fun wasn’t the right word.  But the town was small and nice and fun and he liked the people living in it.  Plus he is part of a team with two women he trusts and a guy he totally does not have a massive crush on.  Absolutely.  Does not have a crush.  He shakes himself off because Eve had called them about a totem pole or something.  Cassandra was a thoroughly amusing person, who he had spent more nights than he cared to remember sitting next to drinking boredly, or saving stuff with.  Although today did seem to not be a normal day because there was a person whom he did not know!

 

“Special Agent Jones.  FBI.”  He clinked his beer against Jake’s, sharing a sharp grin with the other man even as the new guy’s jaw is all but on the floor.  Moriarty strolls in late, for god knows what reason,  _ That guy is constantly late he’s lucky he is with the sheriff or Jake and I would’ve tossed him off the team by now.   _ The new guy was staring slack jawed at the sheriff and Moriarty, with an absolutely confused look on his face.

 

_ Who  _ **_is_ ** _ this guy? _  “That makes no sense.”  Cassandra and Jake and him were all looking at him in confusion because he is talking like he has met the sheriff before at some point, or Moriarty, but at the same time they are all pretty sure she mentioned having not met him before or at least that it had been implied.  

 

He thought the mayor was a decent guy, even if he did sometimes look down his nose at him due to his...not always rule-book-following habits.  He’s starting to think the new guy is high on something because he is not making any sense whatsoever.  The others seem to be on his side with this, judging by the looks they are giving him.   _ Please don’t let this be another fight I’ve already been in three this week!   _

 

“And this guy?  Special agent?  He’s like fifteen years old. And australian. How could he be in the FBI.”  He really was considering throwing the guy out on his ear at that point, because Ezekiel Jones does not let himself be insulted by weird ass people who are probably insane.  “You have absolutely no idea who I am.”  The guy is seeming weirder and weirder.  Jacob had his arms crossed in a very annoyed gesture, which means he’s two steps away from throwing the guy out himself he hadn’t enjoyed being told there was no way he could teach all his classes.  

 

He is debating what to do but then the guy leaves for like, twenty minutes, into the bathroom, before reappearing acting  _ completely  _ different.  He doesn’t trust him, people don’t change their tone this fast.  He gets tasked to watch the new guy, who follows him around in a way that makes him  _ wildly  _ confused as to why this guy thinks he can help.   _ Good lord, if I don’t punch him myself I’ll be amazed.   _

 

He makes a note that he has  _ got  _ to get better sources, as he chases a guy off a roof, onto a dumpster, and down an alleyway.  Or get into better shape.  Run more, maybe.  He scrambles down the counter of the restaurant the man had ducked into, eventually managing to hit the guy into the ground with a gasp as he rifles for his handcuffs.  

The new guy is telling him about “real FBI work” so he just rolls his eyes and tries not to feel hurt, or mad, that this random guy is acting as though he knows more about the job than he does.  And then the gun is fired and, of course, it turns out he can never have an easy day.  He leaves his prisoner with the new guy, not his finest moment, and races after the guys with the gun.  “No leads on the missing totem pole.”   

 

Just when he had thought the new guy was almost a little bit normal, even if he had lost his prisoner, the guy starts talking about  _ magic.   _ As if it were real.  He isn’t convinced it isn’t a real thing, but he is at least one percent convinced of that.  Then the Sheriff grabs the guy, whose name is apparently Carson.   _ I wonder if that’s a last name or first.   _ He stands over her shoulder and glares at the guy as she interrogates him.

 

He really wants to punch the guy.  “Grab him Jones!”  That was fun, to him.  He grabs the man tightly, cuffing him and is unsurprised when the guy feebly tries to resist against him.  It doesn’t work very well for him.  

 

He is...thoroughly creeped out by the woman in the chair, even if he won’t admit that.  Something in the way she speaks, the way she is looking at them, is just  _ bizarre _ .  “I’m Ariel.  I’m a fairy.” He decides in that moment that this day can _ not  _ get any more weird than it was in that moment.   _ It is NOT POSSIBLE for a day to be this positively bizarre.   _ The woman and Carson seem to be understanding each other, even if the rest of them are positively baffled by what is going on.  

 

“You….probably have some questions.”  He does, he very much does, but Eve says they don’t and so he decides to go along with that because the last time he went against her it didn’t end up going so well for him.  And then she is popping around all over the place and he is chasing after them both and they are both diving into the bathroom and he is  _ very  _ confused.  

 

“What on earth is going on.”  “I don’t know, but I need a vacation.  Vacation would be fun.”  He and Jake split a beer as Eve runs around like a crazy woman trying to put out notifications to the public about the fugitives.  Soon the whole town is after them.  He does wish Baird would let him bring more of the FBI in, to help, because it would be so much faster but she ignores him every time he suggests it.  

 

He is hardly surprised when Carson just casually strolls onto the street because that’s just the kind of day that it has been.  He sends the others to block the end before sprinting towards the man but the moment he is around the shoulder of the street, he is gone.  And then someone is yanking him into something and there is a sound and he doesn’t know what is going on.  He’s trapped in a thing and Carson and the girl are standing there calmly.  Also a guy, who he is...pretty sure he has never met in his life even if something in his brain seems to think he knows him.

 

Carson is talking about spells and he has no idea what is going on although he  _ does  _ agree with Eve that they are crazy.  “You are a stainless steel rat.”  He has...no idea what that means, so he makes a note in the back of his brain to look it up at some point in the future even as the guy is still talking about...something.    He’s confused even as Carson is kissing the Sheriff, although his brain does find the time to mutter to him  _ she’s cheating on the Mayor?!?  _ Before it goes back to being confused.  

 

The girl is bouncing up and down again and talking about something about talismans and destruction or...something.  The buzzing of the thing he is trapped in makes him have a bit of a difficult time hearing.  “Do you want your old lives back?”  He doesn’t really know, it’s not like he can remember, but something in the honesty of Carson’s eyes when he says it makes him nod. 

 

They go back through the weird ass door thing.  It’s fine, for about fifteen seconds, until the Mayor walks in with a gun pointed at them.   _ This day can get weirder.  It is so much weirder than before.   _ And then the crazy woman does something and Moriarty tumbles to the ground and he suddenly makes a note not to piss the crazy lady off any time soon that would not be fun.  

 

And then the smoke is shifting and a man is walking towards him.  “Director Walter.  With interpol.”  He tries to shake it off and ignore him because  _ damn it we just were told this was not real.   _ But what if it  **is** real.  It feels so real.  “I could be the best.”  He can barely draw in breath as he stares at the man standing in front of him.   _ No.  We were told this was not real.  No.   _ “Sorry, Mate.  They’d be lost without me.”  He won’t lie and say he didn’t cry as he moved, because he did, but he  _ did  _ move towards the totem pole.  

 

The others make it there the same time as him and he falls in behind them shaking slightly.  Eve is talking to them and he can barely keep himself in one place because what if he made the wrong decision because it  _ isn’t there  _ and then crazy girl dropped flowers and there the totem pole is.  He breathes a sigh of relief as he tosses his FBI badge to the base of the totem pole.  “I’m a thief.  No, I’m the thief.  I’m Ezekiel Jones.”  His memories nudge at him, they don’t seem fond of the word  _ thief _ , but he isn’t entirely sure what is going on.  

 

They land on grass and he has absolutely no idea what is going on.  “I’m guessing it has something to do with that.”  The totem pole is there.  He leads them towards his side door at a brisk jog, because he is  _ him  _ so clearly he always has a back door he never trusts his ability to get out of somewhere without one.  His memories are almost ok now, he can almost feel them, but they’re still battling very hard with the spell and his brain feels far too crowded.  For some reason he doesn’t think that this is an uncommon feeling for him.

 

And then the spell is broken and the totem is gone and it’s over.  “Jenkins!”   He could cry in relief because he is OK and Jenkins is OK and the others are OK and maybe they will get out of this month in one piece.  It hadn’t felt like three weeks, not to him.  And then Flynn mentions the end of the world and he decides this is one of those times he wouldn’t mind just curling up and dying, thank you very much.  And if he silently moves towards Jenkins like a scared child, well, he won’t even have to admit to that thank you very much.  

 

Flynn sends them into what is basically war mode which is good because he gets to be alone to deal with his onslaught of memories.   _ Being an FBI agent, that is NOWHERE on my wish list I did that before.   _  His brain figures it out not all that much time later, considering how tired he is.   _ No.  Your wish is to be an FBI agent who didn’t lose everything, who had a team, who had the most boring FBI job in the universe.   _ “The internet is gone.”  That isn’t good, he likes the internet it lets him stay safe and  _ oh god, almost all of the pictures are just there.   _

 

He blocks out the memories, blocks out literally everything, and focuses on trying to just exist.  His brain is buzzing and he can’t stop stimming long enough to try and figure out if he can get the internet working.  He doesn’t think he will be able to use that as an excuse for why he can’t, when Flynn inevitably asks.  Sometimes he hates himself.  His brain is flooded with the worst memories he has and it’s only then that he realized how much he wishes he had never left his happily ever after because maybe  _ that  _ was his wish.  To lose the memories.  All of them.  

 

The others aren’t in the main room anymore, and he had lost track of Jake forever ago so his attention is focused, tiredly, on the computer in front of him in his office.  He wishes he could hide in their forever because he truly loves that office and he does sincerely hope he will not have to explain the name on the plaque to Cassandra any time soon.  He’s terrified she is going to laugh at him or insult him.  So he has been trying to avoid letting her see it.  

 

The three weeks of being trapped in a dream didn’t really hurt that.  The library has a  _ time machine room.   _ That really doesn’t surprise him.  Nothing surprised him anymore.  At least he was pretty sure that was a thing.  The rules  _ do  _ confuse him, so he is really glad he wasn’t going with them because he would mention the president or something and get them all lost and that’s not something anyone needs.  

 

The ball breaks and he panics because he doesn’t want to lose them he can’t lose more family he just can not do it.  He doesn’t  _ like  _ Flynn, per say, the man scares him, but he has been trying to do better about that.  He has been trying to trust the older man more, and he has  _ almost  _ stopped flinching when Flynn goes near him.  “They’re never ever coming back.”  They are trying to figure out the note and he’s positive that he hates time travel.  He really doesn’t know what a paradox is, or what Jake is talking about with crests, but Jake says they have a clue and  _ I trust Jake.  For some reason.   _

 

And then they are over the rise and they see him, Prospero.  The first thing he notices is that Moriarty is not there.  They are apparently at something called the Wilton house or something like that.  He doesn’t quite catch the name, but he’s limping subtly as he keeps pace with the others.  He knows Jenkins notices, but he can only hope that the others do not.  

 

He studies the paper parchment thing with jake even though he is confident if one of them find a clue in it, it will  _ not  _ be him.  Apparently he also forgot to teach himself code breaking.  Then Cassandra notices Fleve could be Flynn and Eve and they are on the right track.  Ad once again, they all realize that this complicated clue almost definitely means that Flynn and Eve had known they could never come back.  _  After this, I am going.  Forever.   _ Even Jenkins looks..almost saddened.  

 

He wants to approach Jenkins, but he doesn’t.  He can’t let them know he cares.   _ Why are you still hiding?  Because I don’t deserve to live.   _ He calms himself as Jake finds the box, and Jenkins examines the quill and the manuscript.  For once he knows what he is talking about but he really had read the play he was a big fan of shakespeare.  Shakespeare was one of his favorite.  They talk about grafting and he has no idea what they are going on about until Jenkins talked about exorcisms.  When they go to do what they want to do, he walks next to Jenkins.  “Can grafting be my next lesson?”  Jenkins almost smiles, nods.  

 

He didn’t think he wanted there to be a next lesson.  He wasn’t even sure about a next day because they were gone and what if somehow it was his fault what if he had made a mistake and that was why they were gone forever.  And then Jenkins does a summoning exorcism thing of some kind and he can really only watch ad hold his little tiny book thingy.  He tried to forget what Jenkins had told him as they walked over, them hovering a few feet behind and a hand on his shoulder.  “Whatever happens, I’m proud of you, son.”  

 

Cassandra is reading and then it’s Jake’s turn as they make the triangle smaller and smaller and smaller.  The sections they read all fit them so well, he thinks for a moment that it could only be fate that would have those be their passages, for they could not find more fitting ones if they had written them themselves.  “It’s about how becoming the hero is that much sweeter when no one expects you to.”  Jenkins is nodding, his eyes full of an emotion that he can not begin to understand but knows, somehow, in the back of his exhausted mind, that it is pride.  He wonders if anyone has ever been proud of him, before.  

 

If they have, he doesn’t remember it.  And then it is Shakespeare in the middle of the triangle and the city is back to normal.  They are staring at the others in shock and amazement through the portal and he desperately wants them back.  And then Jenkins says that it won’t work, that the others can’t get back through.  “That’s not fair.”  The others are looking at them with heartbreak in their eyes and for once he lets himself cry.   _ I don’t get to really say goodbye.   _

 

“I...uh...still don’t like you.”  “Likewise.”   _ I’ll never get to tell him that it’s not his fault that I can’t be near him.  It’s never been his fault.   _ He walks away, fast, because he can’t stop the tears but he also can’t stop himself from stopping, from looking back, as it is gone, as  _ they  _ are gone.  

 

Jenkins finds him three days later, staring at his pocket knife while curled up on his bed, leaning against the wall.  He barely looks up when the older man comes in.  “I don’t think I can do this any more.”  If he did look up he would see the pain etched into the older man’s face.  “I never got to say goodbye.”  Jenkins sits, wraps one arm around his shoulder, and he doesn’t flinch away.  “No.  We rarely do ever truly get to say goodbye to those we love, son.”  Ezekiel presses  closer to him, shaking.  “I can’t sleep.  I see her, dying, in the loop again, or I can see through the portal but I  _ just can’t reach  _ and my knee is acting up, I...may have kicked some things yesterday and wrenched it and my brain won’t stop and I’m  _ so tired.   _

 

Jenkins nods, wraps his other arm around the boy and pulls him into his arms while knocking the pocket knife to the floor with the back of his hand.  “It wasn’t your fault, son.  It wasn’t at all your fault you did nothing wrong.”  He buries his head in his shoulder, sobbing, hands twisted tightly into Jenkin’s jacket.  Jenkins didn’t tell him to stop, of course he didn’t, even if Ezekiel expected him to.  He just held the younger man close and sang, quietly, a very old song in a very old language.  

 

He wasn’t sure how long they sat there, before Ezekiel’s whimpers and sobs quieted.  Jenkins rearanged the boy with practices care, letting him rest his head in his lap as he tucked a blanket over him.  “Stay?”  “Of course.  Good night, son.”  Ezekiel leaned into the hand that was running through his hair as he yawned, closing his eyes.  “Night, Dad.”  

 

Jenkins bit his lip, knowing how tired the boy had to be to let himself say  _ that,  _ and not allowing himself to think about the warmth that spread through his chest at the comment.  And if tears silently were in his eyes, well, he might be a knight but he was simply human.

 

Cassandra comes to him sobbing the next day and so he shows her his room again, the walls now covered in framed photos and the bed a real bed, with a warm quilt.  She sees the name on the door, he knows she does, she doesn’t mention it.  They curl up together and watch sappy movies which he would  _ never  _ admit to liking, until they fall asleep.  

 

He finds Jake in the kitchen at three in the morning one day.  His face is still pale and his shoulders drawn close into each other, still reeling from his most recent fighting in his dreams.  Jake passes him a cup of coffee and a bagel, and when their hands touch he doesn’t flinch.  He’s proud of that.  They start having coffee every morning, after that.  One day he’s so broken from the dreams, his father, this time, not Eve, that he softly tells Jake about his childhood in a terrified voice, every inch of him expecting to be hit.  Jake doesn’t hit him, just puts a hand on his as he quietly admits to Ezekiel that “my father hit me.”  “I know.  I could see it.”  

 

It was both of them, a week and a half after, who found out about why he had no money.  Jake had asked him to grab some lunch with him and Cassandra, in an effort to get them out of the annex, and he had wearily snapped, “I haven’t got money, mate.”  It had taken Jake and Jenkins hours to coax the truth, that if he didn’t pay his father’s...old boss, he would be found and hurt,  The next time he dropped the money off, two days later, Jenkins went with him, and Jenkins beat the other man to a pulp.  “You will never contact my son again, if you know what is good for you because if you do I will find you and kill you in the most painful way I can think of.  He never owed you a cent and he will  _ not  _ be paying you ever again.”  he dropped the man and tuned back to Ezekiel, who was behind him, quivering slightly where he stood.  “Come.  Let us go home.”  

 

And then Jake leads them to the door and there is a sign on it.  He’s impressed with the time delayed message.  And it isn’t until Jenkins says it, about messages from the past, that he realizes what they are talking about, who the message is from.  And then Jenkins says Eve’s name and the door unlocks and they are staring at some kind of thing covered in cloth.  A statue, stone, of a man and a woman kissing.

 

And then the statue begins to crack and Eve and Flynn are standing there.  Alive.  And he feels like he is breathing for the first time in two weeks.  _  They’re alive they’re alive they’re alive.  Oh god they’re alive.   _ He thinks he truly despises time travel.  And then they are alive, really, truly alive.  Eve gives him files on magical crime and he’s so glad.  

 

He finds Flynn, later that day.  “Hey, Flynn.  I um.. I wanted to say sorry.  For what I always say how I always treat you I don’t mean to… I don’t…”  Flynn’s eyes soften, but he doesn’t speak or cut him off.  He waits for the younger man to locate his words.  “You remind me of someone.  Most men do.  Someone who used to hurt me.  I’m...trying.  To get better at not being scared of you.”  Flynn nods, moving to stand next to him and watching the younger man with sadened eyes.  “And I am sorry for all the times I didn’t help matters.”  When he places his hand on the boy’s back, he doesn’t flinch.  This is something he considers a success.  

 

He curls up on the couch between Jenkins and Jake that night, with Cassandra on Jake’s other side.  He can barely keep his eyes open.  “Good night, everyone.”  they all murmured good night, well, Jake and Eve and Flynn do  Cassandra is mostly asleep, and Jenkins doesn’t quite know what to say.  “Good night, Dad.”  Jenkins hopes he doesn’t notice the tears that fall onto his hair as he runs his fingers through that dark black mess.   His eyes dare the others to comment on the name, but they don’t even seem surprised, except Flynn, but really, when is he not surprised.  “Good night, son.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm...not sure I did this one all that well but it was the best I've got. A bit more between what we see than normal, but these last two episodes of season two were not the easiest in the world for me. I tried to stuff it full of jenkins and ezekiel, too, because I love them as family almost as much as you guys do, and its so fun to write. Please, comment and tell me what you think!!


	7. Chapter 7

They don’t really have a  _ break  _ after saving the world that time but they do stay together that time and that is a nice thing, he thinks to himself.  They’re on a mission in he middle of the woods with a weird statue totem thing and even if he isn’t really sure what is going on, he is fairly confident that the druids are trying to kill hem which would be a bit of an issue.  He’s got the easy job, since he can’t read that language or solve an ancient game, he gets to work on the truck in an attempt to hardwire it so that they can all get out of there without the world ending.  Then Flynn has the rock thingy but the giant wooden thing is falling and they all throw themselves into the truck (he gets put in the passenger seat, because Eve doesn’t like letting other people drive if she can help it) but he doesn’t mind because once again, world saved.

 

He knew Eve had been teaching Jake how to fight.  Sometimes, when he was  _ really  _ stressed, he would spar with her, going blow for blow with her until both of them were exhausted and bruised and he was tired enough that he would actually get sleep that night.  Jake still had a lot to learn, though, because apparently bar fights were the only fighting he had ever done.  Jake’s lack of wanting to fight with any kind of talent or finesse was something that Ezekiel had listened to her rant about over tea and bad rom-coms a lot over the past few months.  He would never admit to most people that he liked romantic movies but Eve wasn’t most people.  

 

“Your mothers did not hug you enough did they.”  He shrugs, once they are far enough away that Flynn can’t hear them.  “Mine died when I was a seven but she spent most of her time drunk anyway so yea, never got many of those.”  He actually grins when Cassandra throws herself at him, hugging him tightly and he wraps his arms tightly around her with bright eyes.  Jake joins in from the other side, and it’s awesome for a moment, before the clippings book LIT ITSELF ON FIRE and they suddenly had bigger problems.

 

The book was now a jigsaw puzzle.  Ezekiel had some issues with this, including the fact that he had absolutely no puzzle doing talent what so ever because it required focus that he generally lacked.  It was definitely a majorly huge problem.  He isn’t so against the idea of Cassandra using the spell because anything that means he isn’t required to do this by hand is fine by him at this point in time.  He really isn’t against the idea of magic on a general basis.  “I do.  Use magic.  All the time.”  He was using the thing to fix his sweaters because those were his  _ only  _ sweaters and he got cold easily and he might not be AS broke as before but he still was saving most of his money for in case of an emergency.  Plus most of the sweaters had gotten ripped on the job so really, it seemed fair to use things gotten from a job some time to fix them.

 

He studied the papers in front of them in a bit of confusion, unsure of what to do with them.  He was glad when Cassandra started doing her brain grape thing, because Flynn kept standing at him for some reason and it was making him very wildly uncomfortable.  He and Jake were both desperately excited to go test out the sub, it was one of the things they definitely definitely definitely agreed on.  He had never been on a sub, unfortunately.  Neither of them were shocked when Eve grabbed them by their collars and dragged them inside.  He could only just force himself not to flinch.  He was confident that it was progress.  He was proud.  

 

He hung two steps behind Cassandra because mannequins freaked him the hell out.  The idea of people-like things that weren’t people but were supposed to look like people.  Then they got back to the library and Eve and Jenkins were discussing something having to do with possession and Ezekiel wasn’t entirely sure what was going on because he had not been at the library but still.   _ OOH S’MORES I have never cooked s'mores!   _ That excited him, he had never gotten to do something like this as a kid.  Jake was watching him and he could tell the man was thinking but he had no idea what he was thinking about.  

 

“Oh come on Cassie gets to see the clock she wants and we can’t see the sub?  Unfair!”  They ignored him as they walked briskly through their door portal and back into the museum.  He isn’t quite sure what the mechanism is, but Jake and Cassie both seem incredibly excited so he assumes it is important.  It was neat looking, though, even if  _ what  _ it was and did was a little tiny bit concerning.  “Then why is it ticking.”  The others stared at each other in absolute confusion but Cassandra seemed to have an idea of what was going on so he just stood there and listened.  “The clock is giving us a location.”  He had a gps type system on his phone so he was able to very quickly track longitude and latitude and things like that.  It was terrifyingly dark down there and he kept hearing something moving and he could barely keep from panicking because it was  _ so dark.   _ He kind of thought that he was just hearing things, though, so he ignored it and focused on the smuggling vault because this was something he knew something about.  

 

Then they were skyping Jenkins, which he wasn’t aware was possible, about how the spirit of an evil Egyptian God was possessing a guy.  He really sometimes could not believe what he now could say with a straight face.  All he knew at this point was that there was a thing in a box that contained pure evil and the library had to protect balance between that and good at stuff like that.  The safe was very neat, a kind that he would love to open for fun long hand but that they really did not have time to open that way if they were running out of time against an evil god.  And then they realize Cassandra means the sub and THEY GET TO GO ON THE SUB!!!!  

 

He was beyond excited as he races after Jake, both of them looking like small children as they run next to each other hand in hand and all but bouncing up and down as they are almost at the submarine.  “This thing is so cool!!”  He and Jake had been getting along better recently, slowly figuring out how to get along well and carefully building up what had been a fragile alliance into something like a true friendship.  That scared him, a lot, because he had never really had friends, but since starting this job he had realized he was going to have to accept that he wasn’t emotionless.

 

They were carefully getting the equipment they needed when the submarine began to  _ move  _ and this was definitely not something they had done but he was absolutely positively terrified.  He wasn’t sure what he could do but he sat in the driver’s seat and attempted to at least figure out what was going on before he heard the sub talk about a TORPEDO.  That sounded dangerous.  Then the sub changed and spun back towards the museum and he figured it out just as Flynn did.  “He’s going to try to blow up the museum.  

 

He hates that he is going to have to have Cassandra help him, and makes a note to study up on this operating system but he stuffs down his pride because  _ we are a team, damn it, I will NOT let them get blown up!   _ He types with one hand and listens to her with the other but no matter how fast he types it isn’t working at all.  “Eve’s plan makes sense but he is  _ not  _ sure that he loves it because if she is wrong they all die and that would be very, very bad.”  He is shaking as he puts everything into trying to stop the sub but then it slams into the ground and he is jerked violently sideways before managing to right himself.

 

He turned just as Jake scrambled back to where he was.  “We made it!”  He grins, nods, eyes bright and happy and oh so excited and Ezekiel can’t help himself.  “We did it.”  His body moves without his permission and then his lips are on Jake’s and he’s silently cursing himself before he realized  _ Jake was kissing him back.   _ He pulled back, unable to hide his slight grin.  “We should talk about this.”  “Later.  World in danger and all.”  

 

The swim up is  _ not  _ fun, but they eventually make it and then Cassandra is pointing at a giant hole in the ground and they are sliding down the rope.  He ignores the way his knee twinges in pain with each step because he had jerked it when he had moved before.  Then they were facing possessed guy, and his voice was positively terrifying.  Cassandra quivered in her spot in front of him next to Jake, but then the guy did a thing and everything in him was fighting back against it, against the spell.  He stood silently, forcing it back because  _ no something happened to us these emotions can’t be real  _ and then Eve pushed them out of the spell and he was left staring at Jake with a world of fear in his eyes.  

 

“What just happened?”  “It’s Apep.”  “So what do we do?”  “Show him we’re a team.”  He is confident this plan is going to be something that is not his favorite plan, especially when he learns that the plan means marching after them singing.  He actually loves singing, even if not in groups, but his leg is starting to make it’s pain known and that means that moving at all isn’t the greatest strategy for him in the whole wide world.  “A family.”  He jerks his head in Eve’s direction, because she had never said that about their group before not ever but he couldn’t stop the smile that spread when he saw her face and saw that she one hundred percent meant it.  

 

Jake’s fighting is improving a bit, he thinks.  That was a good punch the guy had given but then guys in suits have guns pointed at them and  _ God  _ this is his worst nightmare.  Well, not the worst worst but it is so very incredibly close.  He smiles slightly when he figures out what the plan had been, and takes off after the others as the government agents fight.  He’s just glad it wasn’t FBI because that might have been a little bit hard for him to explain if any of them recognized him.  

  
  


“Why not start a band?”  He giggles softly at the conversation, sticking very close to the other’s sides as they bound across the room as soon as they have gotten back to the library.  He waits a while longer, just relaxing his way through the conversation, before he sighs and grabs Jake’s arm and drags him in the direction of his office.  Jake pauses, looking at the name on the door, but he ignores the pause and tugs him inside standing face to face with him.  “We should talk about that, you know.  What happened.”  Jake has an almost playful smile as he nods.  “Probably should.  But we won’t.  Neither of us are good at that.”  “Oh yea?”  “Yea.”  Ezekiel grins slightly, pushing forward to brush a kiss against Jake’s lips.  “You’re not wrong.”  And then their phones ring and he recognizes the ringtone he had for Eve.  They exchange an amused and irritated look as Ezekiel answers.  “Yea?  Got it.  Coming.”  They’re already on their way back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short but I'm without WiFi till the sixth and I wanted to get this out before then. Plus the evil werewolf type thing probly deserves its own episode.


	8. Chapter 8

**He** swings his legs as he eats his pizza slice because he had won a bet that he could sit still for five minutes and so Jenkins had bought him a pizza.  It was really good pizza, enjoyable, as Flynn ran around trying to get the door to find Charlene.  The others, Eve and Jenkins, were glaring at him furiously but Ezekiel could tell that Jenkins was thinking it would work.  

 

He was also pretty sure that Jenkins wasn’t ok because as mad as he got, sometimes.  He never yelled.  Ezekiel paused in his pizza-eating to watch the older man for a moment.   “Is a guardian.”  He quietly didn’t mention that Jenkins was absolutely lying, picking up on lying was a nice talent of his, but he was him.  If someone didn’t want to talk he wasn’t going to make them.

 

And then Flynn went through and then Jake did and he had to go, he just had to.  There was no choice there.  He ran after the others, but then it closed and Eve wasn’t there.   _ Oh crap oh crap where is she where is Eve. _  He was wildly unconfident in his ability to defend the group, and Jake isn’t exactly the best fighter in the world.  He makes a note to teach Cassandra some basic moves some time.  But not now.

 

He only then realizes Flynn had been speaking.  He didn’t understand the words but he did see the slashes in the lockers, and the guy pointing a gun.   Ezekiel froze under it, shaking silently because  _ oh god no.   _ The smell of the place and the darkness and everything about it was too much like a dozen other situations.  His flashbacks had been better, but now he was left gasping silently for air as Flynn walked slowly forward.  

 

Flynn and Jake were glancing at each other as they spoke as if they knew what the other was thinking.  They did that some time; they were both incredibly brilliant.  He prayed silently that Jenkins would show up soon and Eve because he really needed them there, needed the slight comfort that came from knowing they weren’t dead or dying.  It curbed the flashbacks.  

 

He slowly managed to get something resembling his senses back as he stumbled into the closed room after the guard guy.  There were more people including an angry one who he decided to make a serious effort to avoid.  He knew people like that.  They were bad news.  Very bad news.  

 

Someone mentions lockdown and he forces himself to pay attention because it seems incredibly important to him.  Jake is facing the Irish, maybe, guy and a young woman as he flips through some papers trying to not be anywhere near the rest of the group because being near that many military people probably was not a good idea.  They seemed reasonably smart, though.  

 

Of course he had noticed the fire things.  “Ezekiel, with me.”  He was not terribly ok with that plan because it was not a good idea for him to be out in those hallways when he was that mentally off still but he forced himself back into something resembling his normal thief thought patterns.  He was good at that.  And then two...things, he couldn’t tell what they were, were after them and he was running.  Whatever the hell it was, a person but not a person, it was just EVIL looking.  THey were off again, running, as fast as he could go on his bad leg to keep up.   _ Oww oww oww.   _

 

“Werewolves, mate.”  Because he might not be as brilliant as Flynn or Jake or Cassandra or even Eve, but he knows what Lycanthropy is.  He flips slowly through the files, trying to find something that wasn’t damaged before finally locating it.  Flynn was glaring angrily at him as he struggled but it wasn’t like this was the easiest thing for him to do in the whole wide world the files were absolutely horrific.

 

Flynn sounded broken.  He knew that noise, knew it from himself, but it wasn’t good.  This was yet another reason that they needed Eve.  She was good at getting Flynn focussed.   _ And Jenkins is good at calming me down.  Except I don’t need anyone.  I’m fine.   _ “Please get here soon.”  He whispers softly, eyes wide and nervous.  “Pretty please get hear soon.”

 

“Just do it I need to know for sure.”  He was trying, of course he was.  It wasn’t like he was sitting on his hands in front of the computer.  And then Flynn was off and he had to take off after him because that was his job damn it.  Getting hurt so others could survive was his job.  And then he realized no one had the radio but he couldn’t dare slow down because Flynn couldn’t die.  He couldn’t.

 

He was running as fast as his leg would move, the others behind him and then he saw Jake.   _ Oh god what is he doing out here.   _ And then the guard was falling and He didn’t know what to do because more were coming.   And then there were teeth in his arm and he was screaming in pain because it hurt worse than when he had been shot (because yeah, that happened a lot in the video game and in the FBI).  

 

He had always been afraid of werewolves.  He never mentioned it, but he was.  It just sounded terrifying, the idea of losing control and now, he was clinging to himself because he  _ was  _ probably turning into one of them and what if he hurt other people what if he hurt Jake or Jenkins or Eve or Cassandra or even Flynn.  

 

The others didn’t even notice.  They barely even noticed that he was leaning on the wall for support. Whimpering in agony as the blood ran down his arm.  He wasn’t sure they even knew at this point that he was hurt.   _ Please get here dad it hurts so bad I need you please.   _ Then the older man was on Flynn and he did  _ not  _ have enough movement to get him off left in his mind so Jake did it instead.  

 

Ok, it was  _ possible  _ they hadn’t noticed.  He really hadn’t hidden it, his shirt was stained with blood and he was grasping it while openly crying out in pain he had ASSUMED they noticed.  Apparently they had been distracted by running or yelling or fighting or something.  Oops?  

 

Jake was careful as he inspected the wound, but his terror was obvious when Flynn didn’t respond.  Ezekiel gripped his sleeve tightly, trying to hide his fear.   _ Please, I need someone else to be brave right now.   _ Except there was no one else.  It was just him.  Him and no idea what to do.   _ I don’t want to die.  Please I don’t want to die.   _

 

Flynn was not doing well, he realized.  The guy was a shell of his normal self and because of that there was a very real chance everyone was going to die and that was  not ok it was not ok at all.  Jake was furious because if anyone wanted to survive more than him it was Jake.  It was always Jake.  Ezekiel was rocking slightly in pain, and because his brain badly needed to stim.  And then, his brain was working again and he had an idea.  Oh god, did he ever have an idea.

 

“What if you’re more monster than man.”  “Absolutely not!’  He had to smile, inside, because Jake cared and while he knew that it was never something he would grow tired of knowing.   _ Don’t you get it.  I have to do this.  You have to live.   _ He was shaking in pain, his eyes in so much pain but no, he had to, he couldn’t let them die.  Even if he did.  They would live.

 

“I’m ready.”  “I could be wrong.”  “At least then I’ll die happy.”  It wouldn’t be because of that and they both knew it.  He wouldn’t mind dying like this, in Jake’s shirt and family in his heart he wouldn’t mind dying like that.  

 

And then he is in the hallways and it is working, he thinks.  At least a little tiny bit but the pain is just getting worse and he can’t  _ breathe.   _ It feels like a panic attack but so, so much worse.  He presses himself against the wall, moving to turn off the steam but everything is getting blurry, and everything goes black for a moment.

 

It’s Jake’s voice that brings him back to consciousness but he can barely breath, fighting desperately against the instincts trying to claw their way through his flesh because no he didn’t die like this he wasn’t ready no no no.  And then there are people over him but he doesn’t know who they are and then it shifts again.    _ I’m sorry go please go blood pain oww hurts blood hunt pack please hurts. _

 

“Apep.  hurry.”  he’s barely conscious, but he can just make out the figures.   _ Pack.   _ his brain whispers quietly in his ears.  He’s vaguely aware of Eve moving, of her hand on his leg, before it is gone again.  His eyes manage to focus on the figure in front of him for a moment and he relaxes.   _ Dad.  I’m sorry.   _ “No, he is not.  Not yet.”  His brain couldn’t catch up to the words but Jenkins was crouched in front of him with a furious look in his eyes and somehow that was enough to pull him back to a tiny bit of reality.  

 

Jenkins was rummaging in his pockets and then there were arms around him and something slipped into his arm.  His blood felt like it was on fire.  His body was shaking and he was pretty sure he was screaming and his hands were clawing at anything and everything and then it was fading and he was left choking on the last of his screams.  Jenkins had his arms around him, holding him close as he shook in agony.  “H-hey Dad.”  Ezekiel managed weakly.  “Good to see you again.”  Jenkins didn’t let himself cry, but he tightened his grip.  “That was wolfsbane.  You need more, once we get you home, but for now that will be enough.”  Ezekiel nodded, relaxing into him, as Jenkins glanced at the other two.  The woman was the one who dared to speak, although she sounded nervous.  “He’s your son?”  Jenkins nodded, and Ezekiel couldn’t stop his heart from warming as the older man spoke.  “Yes.  Yes, he is.”

 

Jenkins managed to get him upright but he still had all of his weight as they made it to the main room.   _ Oh god they’re alive thank god.   _ He clung to the older man, who glanced down at him.  “I best get Ezekiel back before the wolfbane wears off.”  They barely made to the the hallway before his knees gave out.  “Oww.” Ezekiel groaned.  Jenkins carefully picked him up, which Ezekiel was certain would have been more embarrassing if he hadn’t been so tired so he just nuzzled into the man’s chest, for the first time that day feeling safe.

 

Wolfsbane, it turned out, was disgusting.  He had to drink like forty million cups, but he  _ was _ glad to be cured.  And so what if he chased after that ball; frankly, with his inability to ignore a challenge of any kind, he was certain he would have always done that.  Jenkins was all but refusing to leave his side, which was...nice.  Having someone who cared was nice.  He fell asleep that night curled up on a cot, most of his aching body resting on Jenkins.  That night, Jenkins definitely did not sleep.  He stayed, though.  He stayed, hand running through Ezekiel’s hair letting it ground him to  _ there.   _ Letting himself exist in that moment knowing that Ezekiel was safe.

 

For his part, he didn’t sleep.  Not for a while at least, enjoying the warmth of Jenkins’s fingers and the quiet hum of the library that he had learned to grow and love.   _ Thank you.  Both of you.  Thank you. _

 

He doesn’t know WHY only the other two had needed to go on the mission alone, but he couldn’t say he was disappointed.  The mission was in an ice cave and he was not a person who enjoyed the cold, hence why he enjoyed taking this one off.  He was sitting relaxing, feet on the table, basically asleep for the first time in a week, when Eve came over and snatched his phone.  

 

He groans and muttered as he slumped down, hoping her speech would end soon because he was seriously too tired to hear a word that she was saying.  It all went right over his head.  The idea of guiding her through that...did not sound good.  He was pretty sure he would end up running her into something within three steps, so he took off in the other direction, trying to hide the fact that he was trembling from fear.   _ Not supposed to run she’s going to hurt me when she catches me going to hurt me help.   _

 

He goes with snarky, because maybe she wouldn’t realize he had been scared and he would only get yelled at for running not for being a coward.  She looked at him with something close to pity in her eyes, which he definitely was going to ignore.  He hated pity, hated the way people looked at him once they knew him even a little bit.  “You don’t trust me that much.”  

 

He knows Jenkins didn’t mean it, that he was having a bad day, a bad week, they all were.  But the words still felt like a physical blow.  He was glad no one was looking at him when he started quivering.  “Mr jones has chosen a path of non-involvement even when there are lives at stake.”  He snarled softly at those words, angry rather than afraid because he had never done that.  Never.  Not out of malice.  He would die for any person, any single soul, to live because frankly he wasn’t all that sure he cared about living.  He tried to make himself not think about the way Jake smiled at him in the mornings. 

 

He hasn’t been playing he had been working on new technology, important technology.  But of course he hadn’t had time to listen as he had been dragged after her to do god knows what.  He was starting to envy Jake and Cassandra and their nice, safe artifact retrieval job.  He only grew more afraid when he saw the egg and heard what she said.   _ Wait what no I can NOT be in charge of this I’ll mess it up I’ll hurt the egg somehow.   _

 

The egg was a beautiful color.  “I have every faith in Ezekiel.”  “Said no one.  Ever.”  That stung, too, because it was that same person, Jenkins, who had been pushing him to work harder at having faith in himself but how was he supposed to do that when even his fathe- _ stop it he isn’t your father he doesn’t want you,  _ when even Jenkins seemed to think that he was useless.

 

The egg was distracting, the color and the rough texture of it feeling so cool against his hands that his brain calmed slightly for the first time all week.   He went off with it, leaving them to argue about whether or not he was trustworthy enough to have watching THE egg of the Loch Ness Monster.

 

They were discussing the others, his tired brain realized slowly.  The others were late, or something like that.  Eve was getting ready to go, slipping on her jacket and taking goggles, while he sat and watched.  “If it were me.”  “One can only dream.”  He turned away slightly, head down a little, as Jenkins ran off after the egg that was in his study and Eve faced him.  He thought he was right, about staying there.   _ I don’t want all three of you lost in a storm  _ his eyes said, and hers softened slightly.  The egg over a burner really had seemed fair, but apparently that...wasn’t a very good idea.  He had been so close to her complimenting him, and how they were both looking at him like a disresponsible puppy again.  

 

“Let’s get our librarians back.”  He was...almost relieved when the snow fell through the door because that meant they might have to do his plan.  He was getting more and more concerned about Jake.  Who knew what was happening there they were DEFINITELY banned from calling a mission easy ever ever ever ever EVER again.  And next time, he was going to go whether they needed him or not because...yeah.  

 

Ok so maybe he was starting to get protective of the egg but it was only because he REALLY did not want to deal with an angry Jenkins and because the egg was so fun.  His sensory system gave a little sigh of contentment as he rubbed his fingers over it, sighing in joyful relief as his body relaxed slightly.  It was so nice under his fingers as he kept running them over it, curled carefully around the egg to keep it safe from the blowtorch.  And then he looked up, and Cassandra was in the mirror.  

 

He was angry now, angrier than he had been in a long time because they were not LISTENING to him.  They weren’t listening at all.  “You know what I’ve been doing on my phone all day?  I’ve been tracking weather patterns.”  He grinned internally when both of them blinked at him in surprise.   _ Ha.  See.  I can do something.   _ “You’ve been tracking weather patterns?”  “Yeah.  I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing any good snowboarding.”

 

He knows she knows he is lying, with how she grins slightly at him, when he is turning to look at what Jenkins was doing.  He truly did not care about who had created this notebook.  But Jenkins had that face again, that face which meant he had an idea about something and that made Ezekiel nervous because he was still hoping this didn’t end in him having to go to this freezing cold place.

 

Then, they find out that it is Frost Giants.  He had heard of them, sort of.  He knew a bit about mythology, had been studying.  Plus he thought Loki was pretty cool.  “They’re in far more danger than just this storm.”  That...that was bad.  Very bad.  Sounded very bad.  _  Oh god, Jake might be in trouble he might be...he could be dead.   _ He shook those thoughts off, still impossibly terrified, but turning all of his focus to the very large egg that was sitting in his lap.  

 

“If anyone can do it, you can.”  “I know.  But thanks.”  The complement, a rarity from her, felt nice.  He decided then and there he was going to work hard to get more of those in the future maybe she would stop looking at him like he was useless.  This had to work it just had to because otherwise he had no other ideas, no other way to get them out.  

 

He grinned at the sensors when they started working and Jenkins got the door powered up but the others weren’t in sight and apparently going through from their end wasn’t allowed.  And so he watched and hoped impossibly hard that Jake and Cassandra would happen apon the door.  Eve was the one who got the spot yelling to them but then it vanished before they got through and he gave a sharp cry of horror.  

 

He could feel Jenkins was looking at him, feel the eyes searing into his soul. But all he could focus on was the fact that this did not seem to be working too well.   _ C'mon cowboy I need you.   _ And then they were there.  Jenkins slammed the door and the others were staring at him in absolute confusion/  Jake was grimacing at the pain on his wrists.  

 

The tiny sea monster was so cute.  It was in his room now (The library had been nice enough to install a tank for it on one wall) where it swam freely.  Jake was curled up asleep on his bed.  He had carefully cleaned and wrapped the other man’s rope-burned forearms, but didn’t have the heart to wake him up so he stuck to pacing around his little room, trying to lower his level of frustration at Jenkins when there was a knock.

 

He walked quickly to it, blinking in surprise when it was none other than jenkins on the other side.  “Oh, hi.”  he said softly. Jenkins blinked at him, before beckoning him.  They walked slowly down to the kitchen, where tea was already made and waiting.

 

“You’ve been mad at me.”  It wasn’t a question but Jenkins still shook his head.  He looked...almost embarrassed.  “I’m sorry.  I didn’t…” his eyes were pained.  “You almost died.  It was...well.  It scared me.”  He blinked up at the older man in surprise, eyes dark.  “You don’t get scared.”  “No, I do.  Just not often.”  He nodded, only realizing for the first time how much he was shaking.  “I was almost dead.”  he whispers weakly.  “I almost...I could have hurt you.  God.”  he breathed weakly.  Jenkins reached out, pulling the smaller man into him and holding him close.  He leaned against the older man, and tried to pretend he couldn’t feel Jenkin’s tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one took a...weirdly high amount of confusion on my part. More ezekiel and Jake fluff next one, promise. also as a general note the only times I will go off the show is if one of them dies or leaves or maaaaybe if one of jake or ezekiel end up in a relationship. 
> 
> ALSO I am considering doing the same style but from another person when I am caught up on this one. Currently I am thinking jenkins, but I will take ideas/opinions. 
> 
> Anything you all want to see? Please leave reviews!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long!!

He woke up cold and wet.  They had been sent on a mission and he woke up and he couldn’t remember anything of what had happened recently.  There was pizza....anchovies.  Yuck.  HIs father had loved them but he had never been able to stand them.  Sometimes, he wondered if that was why. Oh, there was garlic bread too.  That had tasted good.  

 

And then there was a woman and a screaming noise and his knees almost buckled.  It was so loud, and Eve was gasping.  He and Jake gave each other a frightened look as the sound kept going, but it was obvious Eve was remembering something which was good.  

 

He had been sipping beer and eating terrible pizza after a mission and bouncing up and down excitedly. They had all wanted Eve to stay with them because she had been so down recently and that was sad and so they wanted her to stick around for a while. She had finally agreed to sit down with them and drink.

 

The mirror scared him.  He didn’t like things like that, that were there with no explanation although he did make a note to get Eve a crossbow some time.  They sounded useful.  And he did now have the coins from the historical pyramid now and selling those, he could probably afford one.  Maybe that would cheer Eve up.

 

He looks around when they all freeze, and then there is lightning and then there is a….something, with curved weapons and a black hood and the scythe, he remembers that is the name, taps the table twice and there is a box and an hourglass.  He tries to pretend to not be so afraid of everything in that moment.

 

  
“Prophecy cube.”  He blinks in surprise when he hears that the reaper is a magical assassin and oh god she wants to kill Eve and he forgets how to breathe again.

 

And then he shakes off the memories and they are back in the cave and he still can’t breathe.  Jake is sent to find a door but then he isn’t and then there is a young-looking african-american boy standing in front of them and Jake seems to have an idea again.

 

And then there’s someone else, a principle apparently, and this is all getting incredible confusing to him because what on earth can be going on.  The guy has two pairs of goggles and the principle just looks very confused.  He doesn’t think he blames the guy for that, hell, he is confused and this is basically his every-day life these days.

 

That doesn’t mean he isn’t currently totally freaking out because Eve just can’t die, she’s like his big sister he can’t lose someone else.  Thankfully Eve and the principle start verbally sparring, him trying to gain authority over her and her rolling her eyes and not letting him get even close to it.  

 

They’re walking through the halls and Jenkins is muttering and sulking because he doesn’t want Eve dead even if he seems to think that he does.  Ezekiel tilts his head at the prophecy cube thing, studying it with careful eyes.  He doesn’t like that, things that tell the future.  The future is scary enough without that.  

 

Jake and Cassandra are discussing Perseus and prophecies and he doesn’t speak because if there’s one thing he is still no good at, it is this.  He does understand what a self-fulfilling prophecy is though, and that frightens him because of what Jenkins is saying about this possibly making it worse and he wants to tell her not to but then the cube is against her head and he doesn’t have time to say it.   _Please.  Universe.  You owe me one.  Don’t let her die._

 

He looks at Jake and Cassandra, both of them looking just as afraid as he is but when Eve turns around he really thinks that this is the first time he has ever seen her look so afraid.  Jenkins tilts his head back, looking furious.  Jenkins is trying to convince them that the library is specifically reaper proof and she won’t believe it but then the book opens and it’s about a….high school?  

 

The number 17 shows up over and over and he blinks at it.  Jenkins has that look on his face that he knows all too well means the older man is probably right about something, but also means that he knows he won’t win a contest of convincing Eve of that fact.  “Please.”  “I saw myself die here.”  Ezekiel hopes no one sees him flinch.  

 

He decides he hates these memories, as he is thrown back to present day and the reaper is through the wall and they are running, running in utter desperation as the innocents crowd behind Eve.  “It’s me he wants.”  He practically begs Eve to run, but she just stands there facing it and then Jake grabs him and he is thrown back into memories just as violently as before.   _This is really starting to get old fast, brain._

 

They’re walking through the hallways of the high school.  He’d never been to high school, except kind of for that disastrous Stem Fair, but he was pretty sure he’d have hated it.  All the clicks and people hurting each other and all that crap.  It wasn’t fair.  

 

The guy from the clippings book is there and then the principle is too and then they say they’re from the school board and that seems to work pretty well.  The principle is seeming pretty confident but Jake is glaring at the principle.  Ezekiel makes a note to ask him about the dating two sisters at the same time thing later, when Eve isn’t possibly dying.  

 

He has a mini Jones-O-Meter and is proud of how he can bullshit his way through telling the principle what it is and still somehow not get called out on it.  Maybe this pool just spews luck into the air.  

 

And then the kid has a water bottle and he can read their voices enough to know they think this is it but he doesn’t.  It’s too easy, too simple.  Too not like most of their jobs these days.  And then his reader is going off and he is running for the goggles and pulling them on and he sees Jake standing in front of a door and a coin and he’s snapping back to the pool, blinking in confusion.  

 

Cassandra runs off with the goggles and then there is a screaming noise and his brain remembers it and they’re running but then something has them and they’re pulled in and he can’t _breathe._

 

Eve is pacing when they’re back, gasping and blinking in fear and then Eve has the goggles on.  He wonders what she is seeing this time.  He can only hope it’s better than what he saw the time before because that was bad.  

 

The wall moves in an impressive show of engineering.  “I agree.”  He calls over his shoulder to Eve because this was definitely worse than time travel in so many ways.  At least there you didn’t know you were going to die sooner rather than later.  

 

They’re all there but Nina is still wet and that...confuses him.   _Why is she wet and us not that doesn’t make sense we should say something about that._ But then Eve is speaking again, back in military mode and he can’t not pay attention so he shoves his concerns about Nina to the back of his mind.  

 

And then the wall falls and they’re split up.  He’s stuck with Jake and that kid, gasping and quivering in fear as they run and hoping that maybe they’ll all survive the day.  Maybe he won’t have more graves to lay flowers on every month.  Maybe they can go home and eat pizza without fish on it and be happy again.

 

He doesn’t think he believes that.   The floor before him is covered in numbers and Jake fights his way through reading the Greek.  And then lightning falls from the ceiling and he is afraid because how does he know which squares he can go on.  “Gold will lead the way.”  

 

He doesn’t care about the gold but he doesn’t think this is a good idea and if Jake dies he is pretty sure _he will die of misery and this isn’t going to go well oh god what if they all die here today._  Ezekiel shakes off the thoughts, tossing the gold with careful hands.  “Alright, we can do this.”  He adds calmly.  

 

But then he knows he can’t have the coin be destroyed because then it won't be alive in the future and this is awesome and maybe prophecies are not _that_ bad.  They move slowly, carefully, one step by one step by one step, and then they are at the end and he’s beyond relieved.  And then the goggles are on and Eve is attacking him and he stumbles back into Jake with a sharp cry.

 

And then they’re grabbing weapons and he’s on the ground.   _Ok, different weapon next time._ He’s limping now, knee too sore to do much as he falls over for the second time and Jake has an axe, which he thinks was probably the better plan.  He isn’t sure what is going on but then the kid is in the middle and they don’t fight.  “Tyson’s right.”  

 

He’s only just keeping up and then Jake is whining and muttering and sulking about not having a black eye and the reaper is coming and he doesn’t want to hit him but if it saves them then he really doesn’t think he cares anymore and then the reaper is coming and Jake still won’t move.  Tyson is panicking almost as hard as Ezekiel is and then the door slams into his face and they’re running through and for a moment, it’s safety.  

 

The hourglass is almost empty and he’s terrified.  And then Eve is talking to the cleaning lady and he can hear in her voice that she’s got it, she knows something is up and he is furious with himself for not mentioning it before.  “You’re the oracle of Delphi.”  That terrifies him, because he knows vaguely what an Oracle is, and that absolutely terrifies him because he doesn’t want her to be dead.   _Cmon Eve find us a way out.  Please._

 

He doesn’t think he’s very fond of the fact that they are IN a prophecy cube it is making him claustrophobic.  He didn’t want to volunteer but then Jake did and the next thing he knew he was next to him because if they were going to die they were doing it together.  Their hands are tangled together and then they’re thrown back and his knee _really_ isn’t enjoying this thing.  

 

“No! We need her! I need her more!”   _No.  You don’t.  We need her more than you ever could._ He knows Eve must have an idea but he doesn’t get it until she has the mirror and then he does and god does he ever hope Jenkins has learned morse code at some point in time.  

 

And then they’re moving, throw violently sideways and the sand is out and they’re falling.  He’s finally back on his feet and then they’re in the desert and the reaper is gone and so is the oracle and he’s grinning because they’re in his home country and even though they’re nowhere near where he has ever been it can’t keep him from smiling.  

 

He sips his beer and grins at Jenkins, who is poking at his tea as Jenkins studies the mirror with careful hands.   _The library guards the guardian._ Jake and Cassandra and he all argue playfully over what to do next, but it can’t stop him from resting his foot against Jake’s under the table, from slipping his fingers around Jake's when they are walking towards the pool tables.   _I could get used to this.  Family._ And doesn’t that scare him, more than anything else ever, ever could.  


	10. At the Carnival of Doom

Ezekiel Jones had never been a big fan of carnivals.  They were loud and crowded and full of children and chaos.  They were fun for pickpocketing, but not for much else.  He was wildly unsure what had happened when he woke up charming a snake with a flute.  It was incredibly annoying as he played it, but the worst part was not being able to speak.

 

Gesturing desperately does not get their attention, but thankfully Cassandra manages to squeal loud enough that they noticed the clowns chasing them.  God, he hates clowns.  And then they are through the door and they are  _ normal  _ again.  He has never been more glad to be able to speak than in that moment right there.  

 

“Uh, you sure you kept the right head?”  He seriously was not fond of the idea of going back to the carnival, but he was even less excited about drinking the atrocious-smelling concoction that Jenkins had handed him.  He gags on it, gasping in pain as he presses both hands to the table for balance.

 

“I was laying digital breadcrumbs to keep DOSA off our trail.”  He was quite proud of that idea, of his own small contribution to fixing what was continuing to be a serious problem.  The juggler looked fine but clearly she wasn’t because her hands were bruised.  His memories throbbed slightly in pain as he focused on them, leaving a dull headache.  

 

It was a  _ bad day.   _ He was twitchy, his brain like scrambled eggs as he struggled to remember what he was supposed to be doing before he got lost in what he was thinking about again.   _ Right.  Evil clowns.   _ He grimaced in pain at the memories, tucking his long limbs closer to his body with an exhausted noise.  Jenkins was watching him intently as he handed him the pictures. “Right.  Worst souvenir ever.”  

 

Jenkins was clearly sulking as he sent them all off to do whatever it was they were supposed to be doing.  He was hunched over his phone typing, long fingers working rapidly.  “I once...borrowed.” In this case, he had actually given it back.  It had definitely been fun to get to wear around though, the fiber felt incredibly nice on his skin.  

 

“Well yeah.  But magic is back.  Big time.”  He was confused on how he was the only one who had thought of that but he was pretty sure with the way his brain was going, he would think of that but would forget to eat all day.   _ Shit.  Have I eaten today that’s probably an important thing to do isn’t it. _

 

He isn’t sure how he got roped into this, the facepaint feeling like death on his face as he used the Jones-O-Meter quickly.  The high-school yearbook was foreign to him.  He’d never had one, as the fact that he had taught himself everyone kind of meant that was unlikely.   _ Shit they have the Jones-O-Meter.  I forgot it.  This is bad.   _

 

Jake was being insufferable and then they were all glaring at him for losing the Jones-O-Meter and he didn’t have the heart to fight back against it as he grabbed the mask and started to move into position.   _ God I really hate clowns.  _  “Flair and showmanship of which you have none.”     
  


He had wanted to be a magician once, after he saw a man on a street corner performing for spare change.  He was good enough with his hands but his father had seen the man giving him a lesson and beaten him bloody when he got home that day and he had never tried it again.

 

He’s jolted from these thoughts by evil guy freezing him where he is, leaving his grimacing.  He tries to pull free from the clown who has one hand on his back and is dragging him but he can’t break loose.   _ Ok this guy is delusional.   _ He decided quietly as the girl was confronting the guy.  He reached for it when Jake threw it, only just managing to not drop it as he waved it around over the wax.  

 

And then it was over.  They were walking through the park, on the way back to the door and he just wanted to be  _ home.   _ The moment they are in the annex he goes to the movie room, curls up with his hands wrapped around each other as they flex slightly.  He isn’t sure what is going on in the film, it’s just background noise.

 

He isn’t sure what Jenkins and Jake come in, sitting down on either side.  Jake nudges popcorn into his hands and he eats it mindlessly, curling slightly into Jake’s side as Jenkins puts a hand on his knee and for a moment, he let himself be content to sit there in peace.  


	11. Baking soda and Dreams?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DONE AGES AGO AND THEN I PROCRASTINATED. Anyway, here it is! Pleaseeeee comment so I know that anyone is still reading this. The next one is going to be a good one (Cindy!) And I am still trying to find a way for Ezekiel to not be affected so comment with your ideas for that!!! Thank you and ENJOY.

 

Ezekiel Jones wasn’t wildly sure about this plan.  Kidnapping people was not within his comfort zone, especially when that person was his boss and did not take well to being snagged and having a bag put on his head.  However, he had eventually agreed that their worry about Flynn was...fair, even if he still only truly tolerated the guy out of not wanting to piss the others off.  Flynn scared him.  He didn’t like people who ran away.

 

Luckily, Flynn hadn’t reacted all that badly.  “Bloody bonkers.”  He thought his version was better than Eve’s, which had been much less fun to say.  He was trying to keep a concerned face, but it was hard and it was clear the other two were also struggling even as Eve kept talking, going into what Jake had dubbed her “Ex Nato Officer Voice.”  

 

They had compiled a massive list of issues, and a lot of his were actually fair, even if the first few had not been.   _This is pretty much an AA meeting_ he thought as he kept reading things off of his list.  “Things have gone from bad to worse.”  That wasn’t actually too terrible of a point, because things REALLY WERE BAD RECENTLY.  

 

He had been glad when Flynn had released him because he was wildly not sure of how to do things like that.  He had spent the entire time worrying Flynn was going to start insulting him, more than he had, or yelling.  But today Flynn was seeming...quieter, even if this was clearly because of his layers of frustration with them.

 

 _If this goes wrong, I am blaming Eve forever._ He thought softly, watching Cassandra face off against Flynn, somewhat impressed at how controlled she was today.  Usually the look on Flynn’s face would have her running.  He wrapped his arm around hers as they settled down onto the steps, leaning comfortingly against her side.  

 

“Right.  Don’t interrupt jake when he’s going off like that.”  He muttered, causing Cassandra to laugh softly by his side.  Jake might feel stupid doing things like this but he was weirdly good at it most of the time.  Everyone in the room was paying attention to watching Eve confront Flynn, because they all knew how they felt about each other and the fact they wouldn’t just get together long term was getting incredibly annoying for them all.

 

“Eve should write poetry.”  Jake mutters.  Ezekiel snorts in agreement, trying not to laugh his head off when Flynn fell.  He was proud of those knots, even if Jake had decided to help.  None of them were terribly impressed at Flynn’s ranting, and Cassandra grimaced slightly on the “inventorying your hurts” comment, which he thought was particularly insensitive.  They _had_ been working, documenting and finding and sorting through old boxes of artifacts.  Jake had written four new papers in a month, Cassandra was writing about her ideas for the combination of science and magic, and Ezekiel had worked on new methods to track artifacts, creating a massive database of every artifact and everything ever known about it, and trying unsuccessfully to update the library’s security system.

 

They hadn’t been chasing Apep but that didn’t mean they weren’t working, he thinks grumpily as they all scampered after Flynn like little mice.  And then they’re back in the Annex and everyone is speaking and once again he is pretty sure that this is how every issue ever starts.   _Who the fuck is Teddy what’s his name_.  He wondered, grinning when Jenkins came in.  

 

For once he actually has an idea at the same time as the others, running to find the book that he had been looking for.  He loved ships.  And then Jake was plotting maps and Cassandra was doing math that he couldn’t even imagine again and once again he was wondering exactly what he was doing there half the time.  

 

He almost asks what a wormhole was, but that would probably make him look bad so he figured he could just ask Eve or Jenkins later.   _Something I can do!_ “FIve beautifully forged identities coming right up.”  He has never been so glad that he is good with fake IDs as then, especially since they are frankly just fun to make.  

 

The aliases were absurd but they weren’t his worst idea, apparently.  Jenkins glares, but softens as he slowly hesitates to try and help.  “Why don’t we just make ourselves exotic matter.”  he hadn’t even realized his idea wasn’t bad until they were all looking at him.  Cassandra had been swaying him to the idea that magic wasn’t all bad, but Eve and Jake were definitely far from converted and Jenkins was still firmly out of THAT argument.

 

“And what powers this Jenkins baking soda and dreams?”  Jenkins grumbled and glared, but he knew he wasn’t truly mad at him.  Jenkins didn’t do mad, he did concerned, and this was definitely Jenkins at his most concerned.  “Well so has anyone whos tried anything new in the history of doing things.”  Cassandra gave that proud smile she gives, whenever one of them says something that she thinks is cool and he can’t help but smile because maybe for once, he might have the idea that would help save them all.  

 

Jake looked worried, more so than he had ever seen.  He wasn’t sure what rhyming had to do with anything but Jake was in his exciting teaching mode so, he was pretty sure that this had something to do with this.   _Oh, they’re chosen with a_ **_poem_ ** _.  That’s not stupid or anything._ He rolled his eyes at the idea, but was still listening because Jake was clearly overly excited and he was cute when he was like this.  

 

Flynn was way too excited, he decided.  No one should be this excited about the idea of something they didn’t know.  Or being on a plane.  He hesitated, shifting from foot to foot.  There was no way they were easily getting through the xray without his help, which made him grin even as Eve finally figured that much out.  He _likes_ being helpful, likes getting to do things the others can’t do.  He feels a little less unworthy when that happens.

 

He and the others were all trying incredibly hard not to laugh.  “Are we the kids in this analogy?”  Jake mutters, causing Cassandra to burst out laughing and him to mutter, “I hope not, or this is illegal.”  He breathes, pressing a kiss to the back of Jake’s neck and grinning wickedly at the glare the cowboy gives him.  

 

And then they were through the scanners and he was pretty sad that the fight was ending because the fight was absurdly amusing for everyone, even as he put the thingy through the scanner and they managed to finish.  He knew the others couldn’t tell if Flynn was fighting for real or not anymore, but he could.  He could hear the layers of self deprecation underneath his usual snarky tone, the thread of vulnerability that actually made him pause for a moment and reconsider the man in front of him. _Maybe I was wrong about him.  Maybe…_

 

They had all been considering at what point they should step in, as they looked awkwardly at each other.  He felt stupid in the shirt, it was so far from his usual style, but Jake had insisted and in the end, he’d given up trying to fight it and just sat in his stupid hawaiian shirt.  

 

He had only gone to first class because of the fact that first class was less people filled.  That many people would only end in _oh my god there are rage people attacking us help me_ which he...wasn’t willing to have happen, so he would live with Jake’s glares and mutters about him for a few days.  It was better than the alternative.  It had to be.

Jake was probably wishing he was up there, rather than back having to listen to Flynn yelp in pain and pretend he didn’t know them, Ezekiel thought.  Those two _really_ needed to work on their timing skills they were just horrific.  He glances back, snorting at the look on Cassandra and Jake’s faces, ignoring the annoyance that they are directing in his general direction and focusing on his water and being amused at the snickers of the other passengers on the plane.

 

They were still in the bathroom when he dragged the others up to where he had been, hoping that they were working through their issues at this point and not just doing... **that**.  And then seats were vanishing and the pilots were thankfully still there but then they weren’t and he was left wondering if anyone here could fly a plane.  

 

“Ezekiel and I will take over up hear.”  He wondered if this would be a good time to mention he had no idea how to fly a plane, but Eve didn’t seem to want to hear it and so he just hoped that NATO had plane flying classes.   _Oh, shit, wrong mic._ He could just hear Flynn, and he was pretty sure he was talking about birds, but didn’t have time to figure out how that was calming ANYONE down after the...um...blunder with the intercom.

 

 _Are we sure 15th century spanish is the same as any other century spanish?_ That was something that PROBABLY should have been checked, he thought as he was desperately trying to figure out how one flies a plane.  “Is that shouting?”  He questions, grabbing his seat in desperation as he hears punching.  “Oh god.”  and then the wheel was gone and they were running desperately for the door.  

 

Jenkins was doing some pretty metal thing and then they were waiting, which was really his least favorite thing to do in this situation but it wasn’t like he had another option in this situation.  Jenkins glared at him, but then there were...um...pig people coming through the door and he REALLY was wondering what the hell was going on.  

 

 _Yeah, no way Flynn goes is there._ He had wanted to be wrong, but he knew he wasn’t.  He knew people like Flynn too well.  And then they were surrounded by pig people who were REALLY TOO CLOSE to rage people, and so all he could do was duck away and run as far as he possibly could except he couldn’t and so he ducked, desperately, into the back room.  And he hoped Flynn would make it home.  He really really, really wanted Flynn back if only so Eve would lose the haunted fear in her eyes and Jake would stop glaring how he did when someone was in trouble and Cassandra would smile again.  

 

This was one of those things where he didn’t remember it except for how he kind of did.  There was a rowboat or something, he could just remember Eve with a staff and a crown and himself in an even worse looking outfit than he usually was in and then the memories were gone away and he was wondering once again what was going on.

 

Cassandra is trying to break the hypnosis and he is grimacing in pain of the noise and then Flynn is there and he breaks the hypnosis and they’re all alive again.  Cassandra gives a wicked grin, and Jake rests his head on his shoulder for a moment and they’re safe, just for a little while.  That’s enough for all of them.

 

“What do we do with him.”  It was a fair question, in his opinion, as they all study the DARPA man.  “Be creative.  I trust you.”  He grins wickedly, even though he isn’t so sure about keeping beer in the fountain of youth, and hopes that Jenkins doesn’t hear that because Jenkins does not approve of using artifacts for stupid things like that.   _Ooh what are we going to do to DARPA guy._

 

It’s Cassandra’s idea in the end, and while it’s pretty traditional, he still thinks it’s hilarious as they shove the hypnotized man through the door.  “A chicken, CLASSIC!”  Cassandra smirks proudly, linking her arm through his.  “To the fountain of youth we go.”  Jenkins looked up from his book, groaning.  “Tell me we are not storing drinks there again?”  Zeke shrugged, eyes bright with amusement as he offered his free arm to Jenkins, who rolled his eyes.  “Oh alright.  This once.  But ONLY this once.”  And then he is walking through the library, his best friend on one side and his father on the other and, for those precious few hours?

 

He remembers what peace feels like.  


End file.
